Choktober Fest
by RoseofDestiny
Summary: Heinrich puts forth a challenge to Abby take his spot as the reigning champion of Chocolate Milk at Choktober fest. What she doesn't know is what is mixed into the milk...some underaged drinking involved
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **We interrupt your regularly scheduled fanfic to bring you this one. Because I can. I'll update the other one soon enough, I just need to get this out of my system before I go crazy. Thanks to my brother for giving me the idea. Never have I feared more that I went out of character…

Abigail Lincoln set down her chocolate milk shake, looking reflective for a moment. She glanced out the window, frowning as she noticed that the sun was well past where it had been the first time she'd bothered to look. Such were the perils off late night sugar. _Just great…Numbuh 5's gonna be late if she don't hurry up, _She thought to herself, chugging down the milkshake and hopping out of bed.

She had been up all night watching tv because of all the sugar that was coursing through her system. Five milkshakes, two bowls of chocolate ice cream, and a cup of hot chocolate with marsmallows. And a piece of caramel to top it all off. She was paying dearly for her night of indulgence, her hand going to her stomach as she felt it give a sort of quiver. But she couldn't miss the first day, especially with this being her own fault.

Her alarm went off, and she smashed a fist down hard on the top of it. It was silent.

With all the sugar she constantly consumed, one might expect Abby to be a little heavy, but she managed to escape that due to constant exercise. Most of it coming from chasing evil adults with the other Teens Next Door members. She was tall and very slender. Her dark skin was marred only with a few bits of acne on her face. She tossed off her nightgown and threw her short blue t-shirt dress on, glancing at herself in the mirror. _Not quite right, _she noted, grabbing her hat off of one of the corners of her four-post bed. She set the cap on top of her head and smiled. _That's more like it…_

She slung her backpack over her shoulder and quickly raced downstairs, deciding to dodge breakfast this morning. It would probably only serve to make her stomach worse, anyways. She strolled along casually, glancing up to watch the trees as she passed. It was September 29th, and the fall was in full color around her. Orange, red, yellow, and brown leaves all whirled about in the wind, somehow serving to calm her. It was a beautiful sight.

"Hey, Abby! Wait up!" Abby stopped where she was and turned around, smiling. A boy just slightly under her height, and a bit wider than the norm for their age, came waddling his way towards her. "So, how's it goin?"

"Hey, Hoagie…" Abby replied, going back to walking. Hoagie matched her pace, hiking his backpack up as was his custom. Abby kept warning him that it was things like that that made bullies realize that he was..well, a nerd, but Hoagie just smiled and kept on doing it. "Numbuh 5 just hopes Rachel or Nigel doesn't have a new mission for us today."

"I know what you mean…it'd be nice to just go home and kick back. But..well..a Kids Next Door operative's work is never done!" He said, quoting his old trainer from the Cadets Next Door.

"We're not kids anymore," Abby said pointedly, "We're teens. And we're the TEENS Next Door. Not the kids. Now we're supposed to worry about school, fighting adult tyranny, AND who to take to the prom.."

"I thought you didn't care about those things," Hoagie asked, looking bewildered. He ran a hand through his brown hair, scuffing it up a bit.

"I don't," Abby admitted, "But it's just that..I dunno, Numbuh 5 has to sit there and watch Rachel and Patton, and Kuki and Wally..and..ugh, all these couples. It's gross, but…"

"But at the same time you want it for yourself?" Hoagie asked, completely reading her mind. "Well, do you have anybody in mind? I'm sure you could find somebody…prom is months away, after all.."

"You're missing the point," Abby said with a sigh, "I'm not sure if it's more about wanting to not have to watch all those gross displays or if it's that…maybe Numbuh 5 wants to have it for herself…" she put a hand to her forehead, shaking her head. "Numbuh 5 had waaaay too much sugar to be talkin' like this."

The sugar had loosened Abby's tongue further than she ever wished for it to. The fact was, it had never bothered her until recently that everybody else seemed to have someone. She hadn't noticed. She did not need a guy to validate her existence, nor would she ever…but sometimes she caught herself thinking that it might be nice. These thoughts were usually dismissed as random moments of either insanity or too much candy, but for Abigail Lincoln, they also brought one last thought upon her, even after she had shaken away the small bit of longing.

An image of the guy she already had in mind, should she ever give up her single life.

* * *

"Numbuh 5!" Rachel said, grabbing a hold of Abby's arm and pulling her into a room with her.

Abby groaned. "Haven't you ever heard of vacation? It's quite popular…it's where you just don't do anything. Like, work, for example. You just sit there and do fun things…without working."

Rachel tapped her foot. "Are you done?" Abby nodded. "Good, because this isn't about work, I don't think."

"You don't think?" Abby's eyebrows were raised now, as she tried to riddle it out. As an answer, Rachel handed her an envelope. The name "Abigail Lincoln" was emblazoned on the front.

"It was delivered to the Kids Next Door with instructions to give it to you. They said that the person who wrote the letter - they wouldn't tell them who - wasn't sure if you still lived at your old address, and they didn't want to take the chance that you didn't get it."

"Oh," Abby said, opening the letter and beginning to read.

_Liebchen,_

_Guten tag, mein Abigail. If it is before the first weekend that falls in October, then this got to you on time. I know we have made up for Guatemala, but that doesn't mean that you are not still my rival. No longer my enemy, but I still wish to challenge you. At Choktoberfest in Munich. My homeland, this time, for this round. There is a chocolate milk drinking contest held there each year. I am currently the champion, but I have not yet faced off against you. If this reaches you the week of September 28th, then you have until Saturday to figure out how exactly to beat me._

_Auf Wiedersehen,_

_Heinrich Von Marzipan_

Abby started at the letter for a moment, chewing it over in her mind. In truth, she had nothing better to do this weekend. And Heinrich always lost the sugar challenge to Stickybeard, whom Abby beat rather easily.

Then again, he did say he was champion. Abby smiled to herself.

"What's wrong?" Rachel asked, trying to take a peek at the letter. Abby knew that her friend was just worried, but she snatched it out of reach - a rather easy task, as she stood one foot taller than the blonde haired girl.

"All right, not my business," Rachel said with a laugh. "I get it. Secret admirer?"

Abby's smile grew all the wider. "Nah..nothin' like that…but I do have plans for this weekend. Do you mind?"

"I didn't have any missions set anyways," Rachel said with a shrug, taking her exit. Abby reread the letter, chuckling to herself as she imagined just how irritated Heinrich would be with her if she won this. _He thinks this'll be an easy win, …either that or he's getting cocky. _Abby pocketed the letter. _I'll make sure to fix that. _


	2. Aboard the Sweet Victory

Abby double checked her bag, making sure she had clothes for the weekend and money just in case it proved necessary. She had never been to Germany before, so she was concerned about not being able to talk to anybody, but she put that fear our of her mind. Heinrich spoke English, and he would probably be occupying her time with challenges. She smiled to herself, throwing in a mustard gun at the last second before closing the suitcase.

She had written back to Heinrich to tell him that she would be meeting his challenge, and he had sent a message back to say he would pick her up at seven p.m., Thursday night. She felt guilty for ditching school, but she knew that Heinrich would never let her live it down if she used that as her reasoning. And, in truth, she really did want to go. She glanced at her clock - seven on the dot. He wasn't there yet. Her father was working a nightshift at the hospital, and her mother was away in France…her sister was at college, so there was no big deal if he rang the front door bell. She was on her way to see if he was just at the door, unsure of whether or not to ring the bell, when she heard a tap on her window.

She glanced that way and saw Heinrich's face. He was as pudgy as ever, and still sported his monocle. The ascot, the clothes…everything was the same. Except that he had grown height-wise as well. Abby opened the window, wondering for a moment how Heinrich seemed to hover in midair. But only for a moment. He crawled inside, and the Sweet Victory was revealed.

"Sticky Bun's in on this, too?" Abby asked, wondering briefly why Heinrich had come inside.

"_Ja_," Heinrich said with a shrug, "He vants to try to beat me as vell.."

"Hey, you challenged **me**, Heiny," Abby said, crawling out the window and onto the deck of the _Sweet Victory_, waiting for Heinrich to follow.

"_Mein _name is Heinrich Von Marzipan! Or did you already forget? I wrote it in ze stupid note!" He crawled out of the window, getting stuck in the process. "…don't you dare laugh, Abigail Lincoln.." he said warningly, trying to wiggle his way out.

Abby snickered, and grabbed one of his gloved hands, bracing herself against the window sill. She gave a great heave, and both went rolling. He landed on top of her, then quickly got up and brushed himself off. "Whoo..Heiny, you need to lay off the caramels," Abby said jokingly. He glared at her.

"Vell, I vas going to help you up, but since you're acting _that_ way, _liebchen, _I won't," He said, stalking off. Abby got up and dusted herself off.

"Man, somebody's a sour ball," she said, trying to make sense of Heinrich. She frowned at herself, noting how silly it was to really bother. Heinrich had always been that way. Would always _be_ that way. And she didn't really mind. He was not only easy, but fun, to tease.

"Ahoy there, lass!" said Stickybeard, making his way towards her. Abby shook her head. She and the pirate were rarely ever at opposite ends of a goal anymore, becoming almost…friends, and it pained her to realize that he was getting way too old for this. He had only three teeth left, and patches of his beard had started falling out. What was left was starting to turn gray.

"Didn't know you were planning to go on this, Sticky.." Abby smiled, "What's the occasion?"

"Just couldn't wait teh see ye whoop his hide at his own game," Stickybeard said, giving a jolly, heaving laugh. "He's been in a mood lately, that one 'as…Half the time he's happier than I've ever seen him, then he comes a-crashin down and gets all mopey…"

"Well, Heiny's never exactly been easy to read.."

"No, but he is downrig' stupid…" the pirate said grumpily. "Ye don't know jest how hard it is to put up with 'im…nobody else will listen to him…I'm not really listenin' either, but..I can sure hear that he's talkin.."

"Say anything interesting?"

"Didn't I jest say that I stopped listenin'? Apparently you 'ave too, lass.." Stickybeard popped a sucker from his beard into his mouth. "We'll be arrivin' in Germany by tomorrow night…ye might as well go talk to im.." With that, he limped away on his peppermint cane leg, groaning as he went.

* * *

Abby watched as the cities passed by, city after city, until it gave way to ocean as far as the eye could see. There was a time she had actually seriously considered taking up Stickybeard on his offer - it was still standing now that he would accept her as a candy pirate- but her work for the Kids Next Door, and now the Teens Next Door, came first. He said he understood, but that it wouldn't make a lick of difference when they fought. He would go after her with guns blazing.

She sat down where she was. She did not want to go below deck - some of the candy pirates were no doubt getting hyped up on sugar by now, but she didn't particularly care to stay where she was. Her legs were tingling, protesting the lack of movement for the past few hours. She decided her best route was to take a walk around the ship.

She went to the steering wheel, wondering only momentarily why no one was bothering to steer. When it came right down to it, the candy pirates always found their way…usually without knowing directions. It only stood to reason that they probably just let the wind blow them wherever. She glanced up temporarily, but it was enough to catch Heinrich up in the crow's nest, watching her through a telescope.

"Heiny, Numbuh 5 thinks you're spyin on her.."

"I vas NOT spying! I vas merely …happening to glance in your direction. Coincidence," he yelled down to her, brandishing the telescope wildly.

"Whatever….can you see land? How far away is Germany?"

"Ve're here."

"..What?!"

"I SAID, VE'RE HERE!"

Abby jumped at how loud his voice had gotten, cursing under her breath. _It's Friday night, but this is still ahead of schedule. Why didn't he go tell Sticky if we're here already? _she wondered, before going to do so herself. She found Stickybeard among the other candy pirates, all sugar hyper and all singing some song about some woman named Brandy…

"Sticky, we're here.." she said impatiently, dodging a candy pirate as he tried to put his arm around her and pull her into the rocking motion the others were doing.

"Huh?" Stickybeard asked, looking rather jittery. He was shaking. Abby frowned, thinking about the odds of him crashing while in this state.

"Ya know what? Numbuh 5 will handle it.." she said, walking out. But when she reached the wheel, Heinrich was already there. He turned to her.

"Oh..it's you..I thought it vould be Stickybeard…vell, could you drop ze anchor?"

"How about a please?"

"…." Heinrich said nothing. Abby reclined against the cabin, waiting. "I'm not saying it. No vay."

"Then I'm not dropping the anchor."

"Fine!" He shouted tempermentally, releasing the steering wheel and whirling around to face her. "Zen ve both crash. Is zat vhat you vant, Abigail? Hmm?"

"Oh, all right…stubborn Heiny.." she muttered, moving to drop anchor. It, thankfully, was on a pulley system, or she doubted she could have ever lifted it. Even with that benefit, it was proving somewhat difficult. She pressed the button to release the anchor and waited. It caught bottom, and the ship slowed, then rocked forward a bit before halting.

"Vell..here ve are. Germany," Heinrich said, surveying the land. Abby frowned.

"Why didn't we just go on land like Stickybeard normally does?"

Heinrich glared at her. "Because..because…because!….I didn't think of it…" he admitted softly. He looked down, and Abby glanced up and noticed all the stars. She couldn't see them with this amount of clarity in her hometown. Too many lights. Sure, they were visible, but the view greatly paled in comparison to what she was seeing now.

"We should probably go to sleep.." Abby said, sitting down.

"Nein.." Heinrich said softly. "Not out here..you take my cabin…" Abby stared at him for a moment, wondering why he was being so generous. He turned red and whirled on her as though he had read her mind. "I haff a home here, Abigail, it's just zat my cabin vill be empty because I'll be sleeping at mein home.."

"Oh.."

"Zat is unless you vanted to come home with me und sleep zere,"

"…Did I fall into the pool?"

"Vhat is THAT supposed to mean?" Heinrich demanded.

"I think I'm in that alternate dimension again.."

"I did not mean …mean…--"

"You didn't mean sleep together?" Abby asked, watching with great enjoyment as the German boy turned bright red. "I know..but this is unlike you."

"Never let a voman sleep outside, or too close to pirates. It's rude, _liebchen_," he said by way of explanation. "You vould haff your own room. Just trying to be…sweet.."

Abby's eyebrows were raised in shock as she tried to make sense of these new developments. They seemed innocent enough, but she was suspicious. After all, this was Heinrich. He had just forgiven her for Guatemala two years ago, but he still brought it up sometimes, even when they were working together on something.

"Vell, you don't haff to, it was only _ein_ suggestion.." he said, getting up and dusting himself off. He headed towards the escape boat. Abby hesitated only a minute before catching up. "Decided to take me up on it, Abigail?"

"Yeah, why not…" Abby said with a smile. "Rivalry on pause?"

"Only for tonight, Abigail…tomorrow, _liebchin, _I vipe the floor with you."

"Fair enough," she said with a shrug, climbing into the raft with him. "Just don't get too upset when I beat you.."


	3. Heinrich's Abode

Heinrich and Abby arrived at Heinrich's house at exactly midnight. Abby couldn't help but stare. His house was huge. "Uh..Heiny, are your parents going to mind you having a girl over?"

"Mein parents?" He seemed surprised by the question. "_Nein_. Zey are not home. Zey usually aren't."

"I'm sorry.."

"I vouldn't be able to candy hunt if not for zat, so.." He shrugged, pulling a key out from one of his vest pockets and opening the door, motioning for Abby to go inside. "Make yourself at home, _mein _Abigail."

"Uh..thank you," Abby said, entering cautiously. She glanced around. His house was very empty. There was a set of stairs in front of her and a tall book shelf to her right. Other than that, there was nothing in her sight. "Err..where should I go?"

"You vill take ze guest room.." Heinrich said, closing the door behind him and locking it. "I vill show you." He didn't turn any lights on. Just pushed past her on the stairs, rushing as fast as his pudgy legs would allow him to go. "Vell, are you coming or not?!" He had reached the top and was staring down at her.

"Oh..right.." Abby was at a loss for words. His parents, judging by the size of the house, were apparently well off, but Abby was immediately picking up that they were never home. _Might explain why Heiny's the way he is…_

Heinrich turned right and motioned her into the room he was in. He flipped the light switch, and she blinked several times, trying to get her eyes to adjust. She did, and she let out a gasp. The room was beautiful. The carpet was cream colored, and the walls had been done in a creamy color reminiscent of butterscotch. She chuckled. "Is everything candy-themed in this house?" She was just joking, but Heinrich nodded.

"Right down to ze candy cane drapes," He said, pointing to the red-striped white curtains over the windows. "I come by ze candy hunting talents honestly…"

"Your parents were candy hunters?"

"It's how zey met," He said, walking out. "Gute nacht," He added as he left her alone. Abby suddenly got the feeling that Heinrich hadn't just wanted her there to beat her at the chocolate milk contest…though she assumed that did play a major role.

She decided now was not the time to think about it. She plopped into the bed (the bed spread had pictures of gum drops all over it), and rolled over, suddenly feeling very groggy. The whole house had the same smell as Heinrich - peppermint and a slight hint of cologne. For some reason it helped ease her into a very deep slumber.

* * *

"HEY, HEINY, WAKE UP!"

"…but I don't vant to go to school, mommy…I vant to --" he muttered in his sleep, and Abby rolled her eyes at him before attempting to pull the blanket off of him. Which may have worked better if he wasn't entangled in it. He went rolling, and Abby burst into laughter. Not only did he wear his monocle and ascot to bed, he wasn't wearing pants. Just boxers with pictures of bubble gum on them. "ABIGAIL, GET OUT!" He yelled, throwing a pillow at her. She dodged it, and broke into more laughter.

"Aww, c'mon, Heinrich…don't be like that..I think they're great," she said, trying to regain her composure. She was failing miserably. Heinrich looked like he was positively fuming. "Look, it's ten a.m.," she said, straightening up, "I just thought you should get up."

"I VILL get you back for zis, Abby…"

"Somehow I don't think you'd be laughing if you caught me in my underwear," She said with a smirk before taking her exit, noting with glee the delightful shade of red Heinrich had just turned. She ran downstairs and plugged her ears, waiting for the rant Heinrich would probably launch himself on any minute. _Shouldn't be long now…5...4...3..2..1--_

On cue, Heinrich started yelling. "_UND _VHAT IS **ZAT **SUPPOSED TO MEAN, ABIGAIL?! I DO NOT VHANT TO SEE YOU IN YOUR….YOUR….YOUR UNDERGARMENTS! NEIN! NEIN! NEEEIIIIIN!"

Abby chuckled to herself, and called up to him. "Whatever…are you ready to go or not? I thought this Oktoberfest started today?"

"IT DO--" Heinrich was dressed and at the top of the stairs now, "I mean…it does. In about _ein _hour."

"When does the competition start?"

"It starts in _ein_ an hour."

"So, shouldn't we get going?" She asked, finally noticing that Heinrich was not making eye contact with her. And his cheeks still had a slight hint of red about them. "Heinrich?"

"Huh? Oh…._ja..ja.._Let's go.." He said, making his way down the stairs, still taking all precautions not to look her in the eyes. Abby decided to check on it later. She knew asking him right now would only get her trash talk about how badly she was going to be beaten.

_Something's really up with him, though…and Numbuh 5's gonna find out what._


	4. The Contest

**Author's Note: **Well, artgirl, teh-drabbler, thanks greatly for your reviews. I was intending to update The Line You Crossed tonight, but I'm a little stuck on one part. So I'll write this instead. I may update with another chapter again in an hour or so. Oh, the plans I have….I really need to change the theme of this to comedy. And by the way, artgirl, very great job with your Time Warp story. I believe I went out of character when they're drunk, but that's the Brightside of alcohol. It makes even the smartest people into babbling morons. So don't yell at me. Unless I really need it. Oh, and this is not the end. It sort of looks like it, but there are still at least two more chapters to go.

Abby glanced around, taking everything in as Heinrich lead her through the crowd. He stopped every few moments, tapping his foot impatiently as he waited for her to catch up to him. She would roll her eyes and jog up even with him. Finally, they arrived at a long picnic table. Stickybeard was already seated there, his candy pirates behind him. There was a large crowd, but Abby noticed that they all seemed to be spectators, rather than participants.

"What's goin' on, Heiny?" Abby asked, sliding into the picnic table. He sat beside her.

"Vhat do you mean, Abigail?" He looked genuinely confused. "Zhey are here to vatch ze competition. Iz zere something strange about zat?"

"Who else is competing?"

Stickybeard gave a great heaving laugh. "No one, lass!" He chuckled a bit, "It's jest the three of us!…you, me, and the lad…No one wants to go up against Heinrich since 'e creamed everybody las' year!"

Heinrich smiled wickedly, propping his head on his elbow and looking to Abby with a self-assured grin. "I haff never lost zis competition….I've been competing in it for _drei _years…" his voice dropped, "Because zey think I am older than I am…"

Abby frowned, looking to Stickybeard. "Hey, Stickybuns, any idea how many years 'dry' is?" Stickybeard shrugged, and they both looked back to Heinrich for an explanation.

"…Three. For three years!" Heinrich yelled, suddenly irate. Stickybeard and Abby exchanged glances, shrugging. "Getten ze drinks!" Heinrich yelled suddenly, pounding his gloved fists on the table.

Soon enough an older woman appeared, carrying a tray of glasses. She paused at Abby. "Heinrich…is she old enough for zis?"

"_Ja, _she's over sixteen," Heinrich said, eagerly taking two glasses from her tray, setting one before Abby and one before himself. Abby frowned, trying to puzzle it out. She was no idiot, quite the opposite, in fact, but she could not figure out why you'd need to be at least sixteen to participate in a chocolate milk drinking competition.

"Heiny, why does it matter if I'm sixteen or not?"

"Because, zat is ze legal drinking age…usually it iz not for ze hard liquor, like zis," he indicated the glass, "but zey allow us for Choktoberfest."

Abby stared at her glass in wonder. "I don't know, Heiny…dad always told me drinking really screws around with people. Numbuh 5 doesn't know if she wants to mess with that kind of stuff.."

"Suuuugaaar-freeee…" Heinrich said in a sing-song voice, chuckling as Abby's expression grew sour. "It iz okay, _liebchen_, I understand ze Kids Next Door are all too vimpy to accept ze challenge. Looks like I vin even easier zis year…" He paused, waiting for his words to gain full effect. Most times, Abigail was a rational, logical person. But call the organization she stood for wimps, she'd take it a lot more personally than a direct insult. Heinrich knew her weakness, and he didn't mind using it.

"All right," Abby said, watching as the woman from earlier set down even more glasses on the table, "You're on…"

"_Gehen wir_!" Heinrich said, raising his first glass of chocolate milk in the air, as though it were a toast. "On ze count of three…_eins…zwei…DREI_!" Abby and Stickybeard both missed their mark, not expecting Heinrich to count in German. He had figured that, and was using it to his advantage. He was halfway done with his drink by the time they had grabbed their first glass.

Abby closed her eyes, frowning. This chocolate milk was sweeter than any she'd had before, but the scent of liquor was putting off her appetite for it. It burned as it rushed down her throat, making her body feel warm and heated on the inside. It was not unpleasant, but neither was it a sensation she particularly cared for. She set down the first glass - Heinrich was already on his third. _No way is Numbuh 5 letting him rub this in her face…_, she thought, reaching for another glass and downing it in a single gulp. She reached for another. _I'm gonna find some way to beat him.._

_She is doing vell.._ Heinrich admitted to himself, as Abby caught up to him. They were matched on pace now. He knew better than to speed up - that mistake had costed him a very long hangover two years ago - but he wasn't about to let Abigail Lincoln beat him. On the other side of the table, Stickybeard had raised his hands in surrender. "I…hic! I know when tah give up….they win.." he swayed a little, before passing out on the table.

Abby felt her mental consciousness slowly ebbing away after her seventh drink. _Alcohol poisoning…_she recalled the phrase, setting down an empty glass and reaching for the next one. The world was all whirling around her. But somehow, Heinrich was still staying still. So she focused on him, on beating him. With each glass, more people left. It started to grow dark. Until finally, on their fifteenth glass of chocolate milk, no one, other than the unconscious Stickybeard, was left there with them.

And neither Abigail or Heinrich could remember what they were doing. "..Vhat…hic! Vhat's going on, _liebchen_?"

"I don't…hic…hic.." Abby nearly fell off the bench. She stood up and immediately fell over, laughing at herself. They had both managed to drink themselves into a stupor. They kept giggling and some imagined funny thing that had been said, looking at each other as though they had never known one another before.

"_Ich liebe dich_," Heinrich said suddenly.

"What does that mean?"

"…I don't know.." he said, wobbling over to her. Neither knew why they did it, nor would they ever recall whose idea it was. They were both too drunk to have their wits or common sense about them. A moment later, all he had on where his boxers and ascot, and she her undergarments. Nothing happened. They merely passed out.

Nearby, the pirate got up from his seat and shook his head. His buzz had already warn off, and he had seen everything. "I better get these two to the lad's house.." He said, overlooking them. "Oh, this be a good tale to tell…"

* * *

Heinrich woke up with a pounding headache. He grumbled. "Oww.._mein _head…" he moved to get up so that he could get some Tylenol, then panicked as he found himself pinned. He glanced down to see that Abigail Lincoln was using his arm as a pillow, her arm wrapped tightly around his waist.

And she was in nothing but her bra and underwear.

"Abigail.." He said softly, but with a hint of venom to it as he tried to piece the puzzles of last night together. "ABIGAIL, VAKE UP!"

"Heiny, there are better ways to wake someo--" Abby stopped as she sat up and stared at Heinrich. She had seen the bubblegum boxers the day before, but he had had a shirt on. His ascot was the only piece of clothing aside from the boxers now. She glanced down and realized her lack of outer clothing. "Heinrich…what did we do last night?"

"I…I don't remember," He admitted.

"You don't think we…uh..ya know…do you?"

"_Nein! _Of course not! Ve…ve couldn't haff!"

"But we were drunk.." She said softly, staring down at the blanket. "And we just woke up in bed together. All I remember from last night are the words '_ich liebe dich.._'..what does that mean, anyways?"

"Nothing! It means nothing!" Heinrich said, crossing his arms. Abby shrugged, and began to look around. Heinrich was quickly agitated by her movements. "Vhat are you looking for?!"

"Condom.."

"..VHAT?!"

"I want to make sure we used protection.."

"Ve don't even know if ve DID do ZAT!" Heinrich's fists were clenched now, as he finally realized that they were both still in bed together. "Get out of _mein _room, Abigail!" He said finally, hitting her with a pillow. She chuckled and threw one back at him.

"Oh, sure, Heiny..I get it. Just a one night stand," she said with a smile. "I gotta get back, anyways.."

"Back vhere?" Heinrich asked, suddenly looking hurt. Abby rolled her eyes. _And they say teenage girls are fickle, _she thought to herself.

"United States. I've got school on Monday."

"Oh…" he said simply. "I vill see you someother time, zen…" He said, looking down at his mattress. Abby nodded, walking out of the room and making her way towards the guest room. Heinrich did not go to her to say goodbye. He stayed in bed, trying to figure out what all had happened last night.

_Ve didn't…ve didn't REALLY do zat…did ve? _he wondered. Abby didn't seem to mind if they had, and she wasn't putting any investigation into it. "Vell," Heinrich said aloud, "If she thinks ve did, I'll prove ve didn't!"

He just couldn't let it go. His rivalry with Abigail was his favorite past time. "Hey, Heiny!" Abby called from the hallway. She was fully clothed now, but Heinrich's mind went back to the mental image from a few moments ago. He turned bright red.

"_Ja_?" he asked, coming into the hallway and standing beside her. She was looking at a picture of his grandfather, who was proudly holding a mug of chocolate milk.

"Don't suppose he had anything to do with why you're good at that?" She asked, smirking.

"_Ja.._that is _mein _grandfather, Leopold Marzipan….best chocolate drinker zere ever vas," He looked upon the painting fondly. His grandfather had always been his favorite person, the one whose footsteps he was trying to follow in. Being a candy hunter was tradition in his family.

"..are ALL your family members candy hunters, Heiny?"

"_Ja…_it's _ein_ tradition, _leibchen, _for men and vomen in _mein _family to marry someone who iz also a candy hunter."

"Oh."

Both realized what could be implied by that, and were silent. "Uh..I've gotta go." Abby said suddenly, turning around.

"Oh.._ja…auf weidersehen, _Abigail," he added, as she headed out the front door. He shrugged away a sudden moment of sadness, before realizing something and let out a loud scream.

Outside, Abby paused and smirked to herself. "Guess Heiny finally realized he still doesn't have any clothes on…"


	5. Family Tradition

**Author's note: **As I continue my struggle with what move to make next in TLYC (the ending is plotted out, but there are two ways to get there and I'm not sure which way to take), I've decided to update this. Because I'm bored. And because this is now in a C2 community (check the other stories in it out. Immediately.), and because it is now on the favorite list of…3 people. Also, again, terrified there may be OOCness in this chapter. Especially since Heinrich does the unthinkable. Here we go.

"Vait up, Stickybeard!" Heinrich called after the pirate, just barely managing to catch up to him. The pirate stopped and waited for Heinrich to catch up, watching as Heinrich doubled over from the pain of running too long, huffing and puffing. "I…I ..I haff questions for you!"

Stickybeard smiled. He had been expecting this. "Well, lad….What might these questions that are bothering ye be?" The pirate's eye twitched as he held back laughter. Heinrich did not notice. He took a deep breath.

"I DEMAND to know vhat happened between _mein_self _und_ Abigail!" Heinrich stuck his hands on his hips, giving his most intimidating glare. "I can not recall vhat happened last night, but I…ve….that is, ve…"

"Ye both woke up half naked next to each other, right, lad?" Heinrich's mouth dropped open.

"Vell…_ja_. But how did _you_ know?"

"Oh, these eyes may be old, but they see as well as any --"

"But you vear _ein_ eye patch," Heinrich pointed out. The pirated crossed his arms.

"Did ye want to find out what happened to you and the lass or not?"

"_Ja…ja…Entschuldigung_," Heinrich apologized, waiting for the pirate to give an explanation. He was silent. "Vell?! Vhat happened?"

"Hold yer rocking horse, lad!" The pirate said, thumping Heinrich upside the head. "Ye shouldn' talk like that to yer superiors…" Heinrich grumbled, but waited for the pirate to go on. He wanted an explanation that badly. "Well…seems tah me that the las' thing I saw was the two of ye holding each other and heading off towards yer house…"

Heinrich's already pale skin went to liquid paper white. "_Und…und.._did ve do anything?"

The old pirate looked thoughtful for a moment. "Seems tah me I heard an awful lot of giggling, and some….sounds, if ye know what I mean.." Heinrich's jaw dropped open. _This oughta make us even for ye stealin all of my marsmallow peeps last Easter, lad.._the pirate thought, smirking. This was not Heinrich's usual reaction.

He was not running around in a circle screaming. His mouth was open in a silent scream.

"What's the matter, lad?"

"_Mein _family is…is very strict on zis. Ve must marry ze first girl ve deflower, _und_ …_und_…It vas Abigail.."

"Well, lad," Stickybeard said, realizing he may have gone too far in messing with the boy, "I don't think it's time to be proposing jest yet…"

"_Nein, _I HAFF to!" Heinrich said stubbornly, "Ve follow the gentlemanly vays in my family --"

"Ye've tried to kill the lass quite a few times, if I be remembering correctly," The pirate pointed out, "And besides, lad, ye don't know what ye'd be doing…There's something ye don't know--"

"I vill just haff to go to America and find her..I know vhere she lives…" Heinrich was off in his own little world as he walked off.

"Ye stupid boy," Stickybeard called after him, "You didn't---" But Heinrich was already well out of ear shot. Stickybeard chuckled. "Well, oughta be good for a laugh, anyways…stupid boy. Doesn't even realize they didn't do anything.." He popped a blurpleberry candy into his mouth and sucked on it, reflecting. "But I suppose the truth was goin' to come out, one way or another…"

* * *

"Abby, you all right?" Nigel whispered when the teacher wasn't looking. Abby nodded, and turned to face the front. She had been staring off into the distance, thinking. "Well, you should probably start paying attention before the teacher flips out on us.."

Abby nodded again, flipping open her notebook to take notes. _I hope Heiny's figured out we didn't do anything by now,_ she thought, tapping her pencil against the notebook as she tried to figure out what information from the board she really needed to copy. _I'll bet he's getting himself into a huff. This'll probably turn into another Guatemala.._ She groaned, figuring that would be exactly what Heinrich would do. _**This **one isn't my fault, though. It was an accident, and nothing actually happened…so we woke up in bed together..so what? If we'd done anything there would have been a stain on the bed, and I don't think we'd still be dressed._

She pondered for a moment. _Unless a second party dressed us, but they would have put ALL of our clothes back on us, not just the underwear…_

"Abby, class is over," Nigel said, slamming a book on the side of her desk to get her attention.

"Huh? Oh..right.." She got up and slung her back over her shoulder. _I'll bet Heinrich's coming up with some stupidly elaborate plot to get back at me for this…He's probably on his way here right now…_

* * *

"_Entschuldigen Sie bitte_," Heinrich called to the stewardess, "But how much longer before ve are in America?"

"About two minutes less than the last time you asked," The stewardess replied, gritting her teeth. The German teen was on her last nerve, asking every few moments just how much longer it would be.

"Oh…_Danke.._" He added as an afterthought. _Zis is not exactly vhat I intended…_ he thought, pulling a ring out of his pocket. It had been his grandmother's. _I do not know vhat you vill say, Abigail, but I am honor bound to ask you…_He frowned. _Ja…That vill be all I tell you. No need to mention anything embarrassing…_He hit himself upside the head. _I get drunk and do ze stupidest things…zis actually tops mein trip to ze zoo after getting drunk mein first competition. And I don't even get to have a single memory of zis…_His mind proved him wrong as an image of Abby in her bra and panties went through his mind. He groaned and hit his head against the back of his chair. "Oh, all right, vhat do you people vant of me?" He asked the front of his chair. "I'm going to ask her to marry me, like grandpa Leopold would haff vanted…vhat else could I do?"

"How about shut up and stop kicking my chair?!" The passenger in front of him whirled around and said sharply.

Heinrich took a deep breath. At that very moment, the captain's voice came on to announce that they had arrived. "Vell…ready or not, _liebchen, _here I come…"


	6. Sprechen Sie Deutsch?

-1**Author's Note: **This is going to be a long-winded one (Nothing crucial to the story, so feel free to skip, should that urge arise)…I was just wondering today if anyone understands what the German I've used so far meant? I tried to use context clues…I figure you can look it up for yourself, but if something really bothers you, you might as well ask. Also, what's probably running through your mind right now is "..How old is the legal marrying age in Germany?" Unless you're one of the ones who knows exactly that, in which case you're probably wondering "How's she going to pull this off, when the legal marrying age in Germany is 18?" (how do you like that? They trust you to drink - though not the hard stuff - at sixteen, but you've got to wait two more years to get married. I realize that marriage is a big decision, but I have another theory as to why that is. Marriage is more damaging to your health). Thanks to artgirlb, teh-drabbler, music girl, and edhelith for your reviews. ….why am I more inspired to write comedy when I listen to "Deliver Us" and "Let My People Go!" from The Prince of Egypt?

Heinrich arrived at the high school in a huff, not realizing the sign that clearly stated that all visitors must check in with the office first. "She must be here somevhere…" he checked his watch. 1:30 p.m. "But vhere vould she be in zis place?!" He was talking to himself, a habit of his, but he never thought it would be why the principal took notice of him.

The principal, a Mr. Snyder by name, looked Heinrich up and down, analyzing him. "..Well, why aren't you in class, son?"

"I do not go here…_und_ I am NOT one of your students!" Heinrich crossed his arms, waiting for the principal to give up and leave him alone. _I don't haff time for zis…I haff to find Abigail. _"Vell? Vhat do you vant?!" Heinrich demanded. The principal paused only momentarily before giving a big laugh.

"Oh..I see," He said, nodding.

"Vell, good. Be on your vay, then…" Heinrich said, about to walk off. The principal reached out and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, yanking him back. "Vhat is going on here?! You vill pay for zis!"

"I thought the foreign exchange student was going to be from Japan, not Germany," the Principal said aloud, but still to himself. "Oh well…I'll get you to Miss Kern. Your rudeness can only be explained by not understanding English full well --"

"I speak perfect English!" Heinrich was in an enormous rage now. "_Und_ release me, this instant!" The principal continued to ignore Heinrich's protest, dragging the boy down the hall and shoving him into the second classroom they came to.

"_Sprechen Sie deutsch_?" Came a voice behind him. Heinrich whirled around. A woman, the teacher, he presumed, had spoken the question. There were three other students in the classroom, all of him watching closely. One he recognized. A boy with similar physical build to himself. _…He vas a member of Abigail's team..I vonder if he knows vhere she is right now.._ He moved to go try to talk to the boy, but the teacher moved to block his way.

"It may be your first day," she said with an all too cheerful smile, "But you don't get to sit down until you answer some questions! Now…," she paused, and repeated her question from earlier. "_Sprechen Sie deutsch_?"

Heinrich sighed, figuring this woman was not about to give. _Maybe if I answer zis stupid question, she vill leave me alone…_ "_Ja_…_Ich spreche deutsch,_" Heinrich replied. Unfortunately, the teacher was thrilled. She had never had a student who knew anything on their first day of "Intro to German". And the principal hadn't told the teacher anything, he'd just shoved Heinrich in and left.

"_Wie alt bist du_?"

"_Ich bin seibzhen Jahre alt_," Heinrich was getting very bored with this. "Look, I zink zere has been _ein _mistake. I am not supposed to be here --" 

"I most definitely agree!" The teacher, Miss Kern, said with an enthusiastic nod.

"Oh, thank gumballs," Heinrich said, giving a sigh of relief. "Zhen you realize I do not belong here?"

The teacher nodded once more, pulling out a sheet of paper. "With your knowledge, you shouldn't be in intro to German! You should be in German two, at the least --"

"_Nein_!" Heinrich stamped his foot, but the teacher shook her head.

"Oh, I know you're nervous, but you'll do just fine!"

_Zis voman is completely clueless, _Heinrich thought, trying to figure out exactly how to get out of this. He could run, but then he didn't know if he'd find Abby on time. There was no guarantee that she would be at home, instead of on a mission with the Teens Next Door if he went later. _…Vait…ze Teens Next Door…of course!_

"Oooh _Fräulein…_" Heinrich said suddenly, "I vould love to go to ze other class, _aber_ I do not know vhere it is - it is mein first day, after all…perhaps someone could help me?"

"Oh, good idea," the teacher said, looking around. "Umm…Muffy Jen---" she started to call, but Heinrich cut her off.

"How about him?" He asked, pointing to Hoagie. Hoagie positively glared at the boy.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Miss Kern," Hoagie said slowly, "He's …uh…" He looked thoughtful for a moment as he tried to come up with a good excuse as to why he didn't want to escort the boy. Not finding one, he merely said "I don't like him."

"Nonsense!" Miss Kern said, handing Hoagie a hall pass, "You don't even know each other yet! Just take him to Mr. Clark's class - room 803, it's upstairs. And hurry back. We're starting on when to use _kennen _instead of _wissen_!"

Hoagie frowned, getting up and motioning for Heinrich to follow after him. They reached the hallway, and Hoagie pinned him against a locker. "All right, what are you doing here?! You're not attacking Abby, are you? Or is this another 'let's steal a classroom pet and turn it into chocolate' scheme?!"

"I am only looking for Abigail," Heinrich said, his eyes glaring fiercely back into Hoagie's. "Now let me go --"

"What do you want with Numbuh 5?"

Heinrich turned bright red, but said nothing for a moment. "Vhy does it matter to you?"

"She's my friend. I'm not letting some weird-o turn her into chocolate."

Heinrich's frown grew. "_Und_…do you haff feelings for Abigail?" Hoagie laughed.

"Are you kidding? Abby's great and all, but I don't _like_ her!"

Heinrich let out a sigh of relief. "Good…I…haff business with her. Vhere is she now?"

"No way am I telling you tha---" Hoagie paused all of the sudden, looking as though he had just been struck with a new idea. And indeed he had. "You….You like Abby!"

"_Nein!_" Heinrich growled, "I don't…I …I just haff to marry her."

Hoagie was puzzled, but shrugged it off. "Whatever…I don't think she'll accept it. You can't exactly burst into her art class. Just go into German. Lunch is right after this. You can talk to her about….uh…marriage…during that."

"Oh…_Danke_."

"Don't mention it," Hoagie said with a smile, walking off.

_I vonder vhy he vas being so helpful_ Heinrich wondered, before going inside the classroom.

_Oh man, this is going to be funny,_ Hoagie thought to himself as he made his way back to Intro to German. _I haven't seen Abby embarrassed since the BRA incident. If this doesn't get her, nothing will. _


	7. Proposal

-**Author's Note: **I had originally planned to end this after chapter 4...then I only planned two more chapters. Now I don't want to stop writing this one. First time I've ever been happy with a comedy story I've written. I'm trying to think of a proper way to lengthen. Suggestions are appreciated, even if they're not used. And as for the painting Numbuh 5's doing…yes, it is unlikely, but my theatre teacher a few years back actually made us do something like that (why a theatre teacher was asking us to do art is beyond me, but at least it served a plot point for me two years later)

Abby stretched, glancing at her latest art project, frowning. It was supposed to be a picture of what she thought her future child might look like (the teacher was known for her odd assignments), and she had finally noticed that she'd given the boy in the painting an ascot. _Numbuh 5's losing it…no wonder, though. Who the heck assigns something this dumb?! _she grabbed her bag, and glanced over at Kuki's canvas. Once more, her friend had completely neglected the assignment. There was nothing but attempts at rainbow monkeys. "Kuki, that ---you know what, never mind," Abby knew better than to start with Kuki. She was still rainbow monkey obsessed, and saying anything to her that insulted rainbow monkeys was just begging her to fly into one of her rages. "The bell rang. We've got lunch."

Kuki nodded and collected her Rainbow Monkey Friends Forever backpack, following after Abby, chattering away about something Abby wasn't really paying attention to. They reached the lunch room, and made their way towards their normal table. "Hey, look, we've got a new friend!" Kuki said, pointing at Heinrich, who was sitting beside Hoagie, stealing one of Hoagie's puddings when he turned to talk to Fanny.

"Oh no.." Abby groaned, slapping a hand to her forehead. "I knew it…Heiny never could let anything go. We'll, c'mon..let's get this over with…" she pushed Kuki towards the table, and both girls took their seats. Nigel and Wally were both staring at Heinrich, looking bewildered. Hoagie just continued chatting with Fanny, as though old enemies suddenly showed up at the school all the time. Well…in fact, they really did, but they were usually there to attack. Lizzie was too busy trying to get Nigel to eat some of her homemade lunch to notice that anything was up.

"All right, Heiny, what is it?" Abby demanded, slamming her hands down on the table.

"I do not zink ve should discuss zis here, Abigail…"

"Why not? You've never hesitated to attack me in front of my friends before. Are you looking for a fight, Heiny? This isn't like Guatemala! Numbuh 5 thinks you need to learn how to just play it cool. Nothing ha--"

"I know zis is nothing like Guatemala," He said quietly. The fact that he looked so calm, with the added shock of him not raising his voice, threw Abby off. She was immediately quiet. "Abigail, after…after vhat ve did…vell…"

"After you did what?" Hoagie's ears had perked up at that statement. He and Fanny were both watching Abby closely.

"Nothing," she hissed, but Heinrich shook his head.

"Ve …umm…" He scratched his head as he tried to think of the appropriate phrasing. "Ve…err….vell, ve slept together --"

"YOU **WHAT**?!" all the other Teens Next Door operatives yelled in unison, staring at Abby. She groaned, hiding her face behind her hands.

"Heinrich, listen very carefully," she said slowly, "We did not---"

"Whoa, way to go, Heiny!" Hoagie cried, trying to give him a high five. Heinrich stared at him. "What? Sheesh, don't have to be so sour. Get it? Cuz you're a candy hunter? Ha…where do I come up with this stuff?"

Abby glared at Hoagie. "As I was saying, Heinrich, we didn't do---"

"I know…ve did not do it the right way," Heinrich interrupted. The others snickered, thinking what _that _could mean. Abby felt her face grow hot as she glared at her team mates. That only served to make them laugh more. "I understand…ve…err…vell, maybe ve should do zis in private, _liebchen_?"

Abby's hand balled into a fist. "Heinrich, you're not listening to me. We didn't do any--"

"Nah, do it here, do it here!" Hoagie cried, watching with delight as Abby almost shrunk down below the table. "If you're going to kiss her or something, we might just all want to see it…" _Serves you right for calling my jokes lame all these years, _Hoagie thought as he took a long sip of his chocolate milk.

"Very vell…" Heinrich said, looking away from the table. "I guess zey vill not allow us to go off on our own…" He got up and came over to her, pulling a box out of his pocket. Kuki let out a loud gasp.

"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, that is soooooooo cute!" She said, bouncing in her chair. Abby glared at her.

"Abigail…_liebchen_…vill you marry me?"

"Heinrich, I can't do tha--"

"I know, I know…" He said with a smile, "Ze law does not allow it, but I vill be eighteen in _ein _month, and I believe your birthday follows soon after…I understand you do not vant to vait, but you must learn some patience…"

"Heiny…" Abby said through clenched teeth, "You wanna explain to Numbuh 5 what you're doin', BEFORE she has to hurt you?"

"_Ja…_ of course, _liebchen_…" Heinrich said, nodding, "I don't really vant to marry you, of course," He was not making eye contact, but then he looked back, "_aber mein_ family demands zat I marry ze first girl I have…relations vith. _Und _you vere zat girl."

The others had broken into laughter, except Kuki and Lizzie. Kuki kept going "awwww" and Lizzie had thumped her boyfriend in the arm, yelling "THEY're getting engaged!"

_Numbuh 5's just surrounded by people with no common sense, _she decided, crossing her arms. "Heiny, that's the wrong reason to want to marry someone. Just because you think we did _it_…"

"_Nein_, ve must!"

"No-"

"_Ja_!"

"No!"

"_Ja!"_

"No!" Abby said, growling. Heinrich was being stubborn again. _This is the stupidest thing he's argued with me over…if he would just shut up for a minute, I could tell him we didn't do anythin'! _But Heinrich was on a rant about some stupid family tradition, and why it was improper to 'bed a woman and then not marry her' and the absolute indecency that Abigail was not going along with what he said.

She couldn't take it anymore. She just walked off, midHeinyrant. "Come find me when you know of a better reason to get hitched…" she called as she walked away.

Heinrich froze, looking somewhere between hurt and enraged. "..Vhat vas zat about?! …Vomen…Zey never say vhat zey mean!"

"I know what she meant!" Kuki said, suddenly raising her hand and waving it around. "Ooh, oh, call on me! I know, I know!" Heinrich ignored her, so she launched into it anyways. "She means she wants you to propose later, but you have to tell her you love her."

Heinrich stared at her. "Zhere is no vay ZAT could be true…" He looked deep in thought for a moment. "Very vell, _mein _Abigail…." For some reason, the rejection, though it hadn't made him admit his feelings to himself, HAD made gaining Abigail as a wife all the more appealing. Heinrich just couldn't resist a challenge. "You may run…but I vill catch up to you. You vill agree to marry me, soon enough…" With that, he walked off.

"Anybody else lost here?" Nigel asked, shaking his head. "…those two ARE still rivals, aren't they?"


	8. Awkward Conversations

**Author's Note: **I'm boored…are you? I always update when I'm bored. Kills it…for like, an hour. Thanks for your suggestions, teh-drabbler…I will be using at least one (but even you must wait to find out)

Abby went home and ran up to her room, where she popped a few of Cree's old Cds into the player, plopping herself onto her bed. She had spent the last two hours dodging Heinrich. He'd somehow found his way to every one of her afternoon classes, and in each one he'd tried to coax her into the marriage. People were really starting to get the wrong idea….it didn't help that Heinrich kept shouting "But ve slept with each other! Ve HAFF to get married!"

Her phone rang, and she picked it up without checking the caller I.d. Big mistake. "_Guten tag, mein _Abigail," Came the familiar voice on the other end. "I haff called to see if you vill take me up on my offer now -" Abby slammed the phone down on the hook. "Heinrich, if I could just get you to listen for a minute…we didn't have sex…" She sighed. "Why am I getting so worked up about this, anyways?" she frowned. Her normal composure had always been calm, cool, and collected. In every aspect. So what was putting her off about this?

_It's not like I like…_she paused. Stubborn, she could be, but delusional, she was not. Nor was she above admitting the truth to herself. This was bugging her because Heinrich just saw this as a duty. If he'd been serious…"Well, I probably would still turn him down," she decided, "But I wouldn't mind dating or something'…stupid Heiny…how do I get through your thick skull?"

Her father came in the room at that moment. "Hello, Abigail…"

"Uh..hello, daddy," she said slowly, staring at her father in bewilderment.

"Well, Abigail, I overheard you talking to yourself, and I heard you dating, so I was wondering, are you ready?" She raised an eyebrow, and he continued. "Ya know, with the condoms, and the birth control, and the meeting the parents and the….aww, you know what I'm talking about!"

"Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" Her father obliged, and Abby shut the door after him. "Numbuh 5 has GOT to stop talking to herself…" _And why the heck did he say 'meeting the parents' AFTER all the stuff about sex?! He's so embarrassing…_

As though to validate her thoughts, her father's voice came from a little down the hallway. "I can get you a prescription for the birth control, Abby!"

"DADDY, KNOCK IT OFF!"

* * *

"_Und _vhy did you let me use your telephone?" Heinrich asked, glancing at Hoagie. Hoagie shrugged.

"Oh, you know..big supporter of true love and all that," Hoagie said with a fake smile. _Not to mention this is better than a movie!_ His faked smile suddenly became real.

"I do not love Abigail!…I just haff to marry her."

"Yeah, yeah..you said all that before," Hoagie said, giving a shrug and throwing the other boy a soda. "Did you ever stop to think that you should only marry someone you love?"

Heinrich opened the soda and chugged it down, his own way of refusing to answer the question. Hoagie removed his goggles and studied the other boy. "Well, mom said you could stay here a few days….thank Yipper that she fell for that junk about your staying here being extra credit for German…"

"_Ja…aber_ I didn't zink you liked me much…"

"I don't," Hoagie said honestly, "but I've dealt with girls like Numbuh 5...you know, the ones that like to play hard-to-get? You keep it up long enough, they fall for you. Trust me…I'm an expert."

"You are _ein_ expert at vomen?" Heinrich looked kind of shocked, but he seemed to accept it when Hoagie nodded. "Very vell…Zen..I haff no choice _aber_ to believe you…_Können Sie mir helfen_?"

Hoagie nodded. "Yeah, I got nothin' better to do, but this won't exactly be easy. So welcome to Dr. Hoagie P. Gilligan Jr.'s School of Love…class is in session. What's the first rule of dating and girls?"

"_der Großvater _alvays said you should treat zem vith respect. Zhey should be allies, and zat you should alvays tell zhem how much you love them and respect zhem," Heinrich smiled as he recalled his Grandfather's words.

Hoagie rolled his eyes. "Sheesh…no wonder you can't get Abby! That's not right at all!"

"It's not?" Heinrich had just realized that he hadn't really followed his Grandfather's advice, and was about to suggest that he go with it.

"Of course not!" Hoagie said, "It's all about impressing them. And how do you impress the ladies?"

"…err…Offering to give her ze last piece of _torte_?"

"Well, that wouldn't be a bad idea," Hoagie said thoughtfully, "but no. You've got to do some really great gesture…like…I've got it! I've got a new invention that would be perfect for this!"

"Really?" Heinrich asked hopefully.

"Yeah…it'll take me an hour to get it ready, but Numbuh 5 will HAVE to want you after that! It's brilliant…but then, _I_ did come up with it, after all. Just wait, she'll have to love it. It's amazing…it's genius!"

On the other side of town, Abby suddenly put her hand to her head, an extreme headache hitting her all of the sudden. "It feels like someone, somewhere is about to do something incredibly stupid…."


	9. Ich Habe Abigail am liebsten

**Author's Note: **I have finally figured out why Algebra is important. It bores you so much, you just have to day dream, resulting in figuring out how to ensure that this fanfic has at least five more chapters (including this one). Also, I will give you another update tonight on one condition ..you guys have to guess my third favorite coupling (technically, it's tied with Lizzie/Nigel…but this is one I haven't hinted at yet)…anybody who guesses Kuki/Wally will be popped severely with a rubber band. And I have to change the rating off this fic up a notch…the reason will make itself clear in time. Another thing…this chapter isn't funny. But don't worry..the next one's going to be hysterical, I swear.

"All right, now hand me that extension cord," Hoagie said, pointing to the long orange cord coming out of Abigail's house. _What her father doesn't know about us making him pay the electricity bill for something like this won't hurt him…or…well, us.._ He thought to himself as he made a minor adjustment and plugged it in.

"It isn't vorking," Heinrich complained, glaring at Hoagie with disgust. "Vhy did I even trust you to do zis?!" They were in front of Abby's house, out in the middle of the street. Heinrich was still wondering how they were managing not to get run over, but he decided not to question it. Before him was what Hoagie was working on - the base was all wood, and it created a bin. Inside the bin were several ordinary looking rocket-like firecrackers. "Vhat vill zis do, anyvay?" Heinrich added. Hoagie had never been very clear.

"You'll see…" Hoagie paused, looking thoughtful. "Unless, of course, it doesn't work right. The first couple of tests, it kinda exploded." Heinrich's jaw dropped, and Hoagie continued. "But you should just feel lucky I'm letting you use it. I WAS going to use it myself…All right, and now it's ready!"

"So..vhat do ve do?" Heinrich finally asked.

"We start this baby," Hoagie announced, proudly patting his invention before slamming a fist into the side onto the start button. For a moment, nothing happened. Heinrich was about to ask Hoagie if it was busted, when one of the rockets launched off. The others stayed where they were, though.

"Umm..Hoagie…vhat is going to happen?"

Hoagie shushed him. Abby had just opened her window to see what the ruckus was about. Heinrich thought he could make out a loud groaning noise. "…Heinrich..Hoagie…WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU TWO DOING OUT THERE?!"

"Quick..serenade her!" Hoagie demanded as he pressed a switch on the machine. The remaining rockets took off, bursting in midair to form the glowing yellow words "I love you…"

"I am NOT singing, _und_ I do NOT love her! _Nein_!"

"Are you two completely out of your mind?!" Abby was outside now, standing right behind Heinrich. He and Hoagie both whirled around to face the girl, wearing similar guilty expressions, neither making contact with the girl. "Numbuh 5 thinks this is the _stupidest_ thing you two have ever done!…and that's saying something!"

"Aww, don't be like that, Numbuh 5," Hoagie said, putting an arm around Heinrich, "Give the guy a break…" He broke the serious mood by making a kissy face. "He just 'vants to looooooove you'," He burst into raucous laughter at his own imitation of Heinrich. Heinrich pushed him away and glared at him.

"Zis is all your fault! …I .." He paused, looking to Abby. "_Bitte_, Abigail…Vill you marry me?"

"You just don't get it, Heinrich…I'm not marrying you," Abby said it slowly, but her rage was starting to build up. Instead of explaining that nothing had happened between them, she merely said "Not when you just don't get it…"

With that, she walked back into her house. Heinrich looked a little deflated for a moment. "You okay?" Hoagie asked, but Heinrich shook his head no.

"I can see Abigail vill not be giving up her stance on zis…I vill try again _morgen_.." Heinrich added. "I do not quite get vhat she means…Grandfather vas alvays so insistent…he and my grandmother found each other much ze same vay _mein_self _und_ Abigail did…ach, how zhey hated each other at first…but zhen…"

"All right, Heinrich, spill it. Do you like her?"

Heinrich paused a moment. "_Ich habe _Abigail _am liebsten_," He finally said. Hoagie looked at him, bewildered. His German was still rather limited, but he decided not to ask out of courtesy.

"I'm sorry…uh…why don't we go back to my house? We can play Yipper…or eat chili dogs?"

"_Nein_…You go ahead. I vill catch up to you later. I'm going to go grab a _kinderkrüge.._"

Hoagie paused for a moment. The word was familiar to him, but he couldn't quite place it. Then suddenly, it fell into place. "…They don't make that stuff here. And beer of any kind is illegal for anyone under 21..."

Heinrich sighed. "I vill just haff to find some other vay to get it, zhen….ack, no vonder Grandfather alvays told me to stay avay from America…"


	10. Now this looks familiar

**Author's Note:** You guys got lucky. I just REALLY want to write this part, so you get a fast update. Despite that no one guessed my third favorite shipping, aside from Lizzie/Nigel, is Wink/Fibb (If you have a problem with it, I can give you a map to where you can shove it…my apologies for being rude, but if you're against it just because it's gay, you are what we call 'close-minded'..which I cannot stand). And the title of the last chapter translates to….should I tell you? Ah, whatever, may as well. It just means "I like Abigail the most". ..In retrospect, this chapter may not be as funny as I find it. (the beginning isn't funny at all..it's a build up thing)

Hoagie awoke to the phone ringing. He grumbled and rolled over - it was 1 in the morning. He frowned, but picked it up anyways. "Yeah?" He said as quietly as he could, praying that the ringing hadn't woken anyone else up in the house.

"Hoagie? It's Abby….I'm just calling to check in on Heinrich..don't put him on the phone, though. Is he all right?" Hoagie smiled. No matter what had happened, Abigail was always looking out for people. Sometimes even enemies.

Hoagie sat up and looked around the room. "Huh…he didn't make it back yet," He said, looking to the cot that was set up on the other side of the room. "Guess he's out drinking--"

"WHAT?!"

"Abby, not so loud!" Hoagie whispered, as though it would make up for her shouting. "He said something about wanting a beer, and then he said something like 'zhen I vill haff to get it some other vay' or something like za--I mean that…" Before Hoagie could continue to explain, the line went dead. She'd hung up on him. He shrugged and hung the phone up, going back to sleep as though nothing had happened.

­­­­­­­­­

* * *

"Oh, Numbuh 5 better find him before he gets himself in trouble," Abby said as she pulled her coat tighter around her. It was times like these she really wondered why she kept wearing that short dress, even in cold weather._ He can't be at a bar…they wouldn't serve him. So how else could he get it_? _And where would he go once he got it_? Abby thought carefully for a moment, her mind immediately going to her own house. _How stupid would he have to be to go to my house in a drunken stupor_? She wondered. She answered her own question - about as stupid as Heinrich acts when he's being stubborn.

She jogged back to her starting point. Heinrich was already there, a bottle in each hand. She got the feeling he'd been there a while. Both the bottles were full, but he still seemed inebriated. Mainly because he kept shouting phrases in German she couldn't quite make out, but then, she wouldn't have understood it if he HAD been speaking clearly.

"Heiny?" He whirled around.

"Abigail..so good off you to hic…come down _und_ see me.." He made his way towards her clumsily, and she thought for sure he was going to fall. He smelled distinctly of alcohol. It reminded Abby of the chocolate milk they'd had at Choktoberfest. _It's the exact same smell…_

"Heiny, why don't you stop being so dumb and realize what you're doing? You're drunk, and you're hanging around my house at 1:30 in the morning…" She guided him to the front porch of her house, helping him to sit down. "This really isn't the way to get a girl."

Even drunk, Heinrich's trademark stubbornness came out. "_Nein.._I do not vant you, Abigail…"

"Then what are you here for?"

"I…don't remember," He admitted, "I zink it had something to do vith _mein_ beating you at ze Choktoberfest in Germany.."

"You didn't beat me, Heiny," Abigail said fiercely, her stubbornness matching Heinrich's perfectly. "Numbuh 5's certain she had more than you.."

"Ha! You can't even hold _ein weneg _of liquor! I von!"

"I'm pretty sure I did, Heiny--"

"_Nein, liebchen_…I von-"

"No you didn't!"

"_Ja_, I did! In fact…I challenge you right now!" He handed her the other bottle of liquor. Sure enough, it was mixed with chocolate milk. It was almost the exact same thing they'd been drinking in Germany.

"You've already been drinking a lot, Heiny..I don't know if this is such a good idea--"

"Sugar-free," He said with a snort. That did it. Abby wrenched off the top of her bottle as Heinrich did the same. In unison, they raised up the tops and chugged. She closed her eyes as it burned her throat, but still enjoying its taste. With each swallow, she felt reality slowly sweep away from her.

She finished at the exact same moment Heinrich did, not remembering why she had just drank all that. She felt a little bit queasy, but she pushed it down. Suddenly, he grabbed her hand, giving her a smile. She nodded.

The drunken pair went inside, without agreeing verbally to anything. But their goal was the same. They were in Abby's bed within moments, both naked and drunk, unaware of what they were doing. Or of what would happen in the morning as a result of their actions.

* * *

Abby and Heinrich woke up at the exact moment. Immediately, they both screamed. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY BED?!" Abby demanded, noticing finally that her legs were wrapped around Heinrich's hips. They were both clinging to each other.

Not for long, though. They separated, each on one side of the bed, staring at the wall.

It took them a moment, but Heinrich screamed again as he finally realized that they were both completely naked. That was the exact moment Dr. Lincoln decided to burst into the room, a tray of cookies in hand. "Oh, and how was you kids' time last night? With the love, and the 'fun stuff' and the --"

"..Daddy…what are you talkin' about?!" Abby demanded of her father. He smiled.

"Well, I saw you two stumbling in this morning, all over each other….so..you did use that condom I handed to you, right?" He looked to Heinrich "with the plastic, and the protection, and the…aww, you know what I'm talking about!"

"Ve…ve did _it_ …._again_?!" Heinrich gulped, putting a hand to his head. He was resting his head in his hand, a perfect imitation of 'the thinker'.

"Are you sure we did anything?" Abby asked her dad. He shrugged.

"I'll leave you two alone..I figured with that late night, you wouldn't want to go to school, with the questions, and the answering, and the friends asking if he got you pregnant…he didn't, by the way, did he?"

"GET OUT!" Her dad obeyed. "Maybe we didn't do anything.." Abby said aloud, fixing to explain to Heinrich that they hadn't the first time. He shook his head and held up something clear and…well, disgusting.

"Vell.." He said, faking cheerfulness, "…At least ve know ve used _ein_ condom zis time."


	11. After

**Author's Note: **Yes! Someone else ships Wink/Fibb! And by the way, the previous chapter is going to be replaced later. I read through it a third time and for the first time with this fic I was NOT happy. At all. It will probably have the same events, but…gaah, I think I could have written it better. And speaking of, this chapter is pretty much more to set in motion events for later. Not much action here. I feel I must warn you. And I'm running out of jokes faster than ….sheesh, I can't even make a good analogy right now! No more updates tonight. I think I'm out of it. Please, PLEASE tell me this chapter is better than the last. I'll rewrite both, should the need arise, but I don't know if I'm running out of ideas, or just really out of it, or …I don't know what's going on!!!

Heinrich and Abby didn't say anything. The only movement they made was to get dressed. They weren't making eye contact. "I'm…gonna go talk to somebody," Abby finally said. "You should probably get back to Hoagie's." It had just turned three. "I…uh.."

"Abigail, I…."

"If you're asking to marry you, save it, Heinrich. I'll talk to you about this later--"

"_Aber--_"

"_Later_," she said firmly, motioning for him to get out. He did so, without saying another word. Not even a goodbye. She drew her knees to herself, thinking carefully. _So…this is how that feels. _She felt ashamed, but it was more that she'd done it while sodden than it was about it being with Heinrich. Finally, she pulled her phone off the hook and dialed the only friend who would listen to her without cracking up.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Nigel…" Abby said slowly, pacing around her room. "I..uh..Heinrich just left." She let it sink in with her former sector leader. He didn't say anything for a while.

"Well…Uh.." He paused again, and continued awkwardly, "It seems odd to be waking up in the same bed as your rival as often as you do." Abby bit her lip, making a note to get back at him later. "But I don't get it. What's the problem?"

"Now he's going to keep up with the 'let's get married' thing because he thinks he _has_ to…some stupid family tradition."

Nigel seemed to think for a while. "Well…have you tried explaining to him that you don't like him? Oh, and by the way, if that is true, you really should stop sleeping with him…sends the wrong message, you know--"

"I didn't sleep with him!…err…well, not until last night, at least," she admitted. "But it's different. Numbuh 5 was drunk, she didn't know what she was doing!"

"So you slept with a guy you didn't like?" Abby frowned. She typically had more common sense than Nigel, but the roles seemed reversed in this instant. He was pressing her, and she had a feeling he already knew the answer to his question.

"No…I'd never do anything like that," She said softly. "I just don't want to marry him…not right now. I'm only seventeen, Nigel! It's crazy!"

"Well, yes, but not for his family…Lizzie's family as their sets of crazy things they do as well," Nigel did not go into detail there, "But maybe you should meet his family and see if you can't see why they have this tradition? Get to understand it better? I'm not saying you have to go through with it…just see if they're crazy or if there's maybe a good point to all of this."

Abby sighed. "Oh, all right. I'll ask Heinrich about that later."

"All right, I've got to get going. Lizzie wants to go look at wedding dresses. Ever since she overheard Heinrich, she's insistent we at least start looking into it…"

"Okay," Abby agreed, not the least bit surprised. They got off the line and she sat down to think, turning her CD back on, letting herself reflect on all that had happened. She sighed. _All right…Numbuh 5 just needs to figure out what she needs to do…_

* * *

"You know, most people go home after the tenth or twelfth time the girl tells her no," Hoagie said casually, tossing a piece of paper into his trash can, basketball style. "Not hang around her house all night."

"I vas not hanging around her house!…I vas in it."

"..You broke into her house?! Man, that's seriously messed up…"

"_Nein_! I voke up and I vas in zere…in her bed…"

Hoagie looked thoughtful for a moment. "Sheesh…how many times you two going to do that, anyways? This is getting a little ridiculous."

"Zhis has never happened to you, zhen? I zhought you said you vere a genius vith vomen…vell, vhat do I do? I can't exactly just go over zhere and talk to Abigail…she doesn't vant to see me right now.." He frowned. "Grandpa Leopold vill make sure I never see ze light of day if I don't marry her…"

"Nothing you can do, short of a boyfriend helmet, I'm afraid."

"I am not looking for _ein_ boyfriend!"

"It can be modified.." Hoagie looked thoughtful, "But Abby would kick the crap out of you if you did it. Have you thought about..you know, being nice, respecting her, treating her well and letting her know you care about her?"

Heinrich glared. "You said zat vas ze vrong vay of doing it!"

"Man, I don't have a girlfriend," Hoagie looked thoughtful, "Haven't ever had one, to be honest. Why the hell would you listen to me?"

"You said you knew vhat to do!"

"Yeah, well," Hoagie shrugged, "I never told you that you _had _to listen to me. It was really your choice. So, it's your own fault."

Heinrich leaned forward, "I absolutely DESPISE you, you know zhat?" Hoagie shrugged.

"Say what you will, but I'm not the one who can't seem to keep my hands off the girl that's supposed to be my enemy."

"…Fine, you vin," Heinrich said, looking irate. He glanced out the window.

"So…uh…not to be rude or anything," Hoagie said, choosing his words carefully, "But…when are you going back to Germany? I kinda would like my room to myself."

"Oh, don't vorry…Grandfather Leopold's rules are very clear on zhat--"

"Oh, good, cuz I --"

Heinrich cut him off. "I can only return vhen Abigail agrees to marry me."

Hoagie looked crestfallen, and gave a fake laugh. "Uh…well…heh..maybe you might..consider lying to them, you know…not telling your family what happened? You know..keep it quiet?"

"_Nein_! Ve are never dishonest vith each other in_ mein _family. Just vith outsiders. Besides….I kind off…already told zhem."

Hoagie's mouth dropped open. "You…_told them_?! Why the hell would you do that?! What if Abby doesn't agree to marry you! And then…worse, I'm stuck with you for the rest of my life! You are NOT staying here that long!"

"_Es tut mir leid_," Heinrich apologized, "_aber _it just sort of slipped out…_Und _Grandfather Leopold seemed so excited about ze marriage…"

"But what if…" Hoagie paused, slapping a hand to his forehead. "…Your family things Numbuh 5's actually going to agree to this crazy plan, don't they?"

Heinrich coughed. "I …may haff told zhem zat she…uh…already said yes, _und _zat ve vere just vaiting on her parents' approval…"

_This guy is nuts! _Hoagie decided, as he crossed his arms and analyzed the situation. "Okay…somehow or another, you've got to get Numbuh 5 to agree to marry you…"

"I am not sure I vant your help anymore…"

"Look who's being picky," Hoagie said with a snort, "The King of Drunken One Nighters with the Girl He Hates."

"…All right, all right, point taken," Heinrich agreed, "But Abigail vill not talk to me, _und_ I am not going vith another one of your ridiculous plans. She said ve vould talk later, but…"

"Did she look mad?"

"Well…_ja_. Ve had just voken up in bed together."

Hoagie thought for a moment. "Only one thing for it."

"_Ja_? Vhat is it?"

"It doesn't matter what we do, man….Abby's going to totally kill you."


	12. Of an alibi and a dirndl

**Author's Note: **Time for bed. Which means it's time to write (What, you didn't know that?) Thanks for your honesty, Teh-Drabbler. I know of too many people who would have lied and said it was good, just to make me feel better. …I despise them greatly. So, thank you for having a back bone. Much love. Wait…I really have to start looking at screen names more closely! You wrote that Wink/Fibb story I loved so much and the 5/Heinrich one shot! (to those of you who have not read those…go. Now. This time the chapter can wait) Am I the only one who would love to see a 2/Heinrich friendship? …Maybe I just like fat guys too much. They're suppah huggable!

"I do not sink zat Abigail vanted you to come along," Heinrich hissed as he made his way to Abby's door, Hoagie tailing along behind him. "Don't you haff somevhere else to go?"

"Nah, not really," Hoagie said with a smile, "Besides, somebody's got to be her to mail your remains back to your family. I figure I may as well do the right thing."

"_Ja_, you're reaaaaaal supportive," Heinrich said sarcastically, ringing the doorbell. Hoagie shrugged, not seeming to care much. Dr. Lincoln answered the door, and immediately moved to the side to allow the boys entrance. "_Guten abend_," Heinrich greeted Dr. Lincoln, heading upstairs before the doctor could open his mouth. He headed into Abby's room without bothering to knock. "Ve haff to talk, _mein _Abigail!"

To his surprise, she nodded. Hoagie entered the room, but neither paid attention to them. "Heinrich, I was thinking, and maybe --"

"You vill listen to me, Abigail Lincoln…it is _mein _family's custom to marry whomever ve are ….vith …first , _und_ like it or not, it vas you, _und _---"

"Heiny, that's fine, I wanted to talk to you about that. Maybe we could--"

Heinrich, of course, was not listening. "You von't even give it _ein _chance…you just keep flying off ze handle _und_ I am SICK of it! If you are so insistent upon not marrying me, then _you_ explain to my Grandfather vhy ve are not getting married!"

"Okay."

"That's right, you don't have ze guts to do zha----…vait. Vhat did you just say?" Heinrich looked utterly shocked. So shocked, in fact, that he was actually being…quiet. Abby found herself quite enjoying that part.

"I'll go with you to Germany…Numbuh 5 will even talk to your granddaddy about why I keep saying no, but only if you stop asking me to marry you, okay, Heiny?"

"_ABER---_"

"No buts!" Abigail said firmly. "If Numbuh 5's going to do this, she's going to do it her own way. Not with you trying to pressure her into things she don't wanna do."

"_Und…_zhen vill you marry me?" Abigail groaned, and Hoagie chuckled. "Vhat?! I am just asking…Look, Abigail, I can't even stay in _mein_ house if you don't agree to marry me. My Grandfather vill never allow it…"

"I'll handle your granddaddy," Abby said simply, turning to Hoagie. "Numbuh 2, why are you still here?"

"I thought I was going to get to see you rip Heinrich to shreds…guess not. Oh well. Maybe next time. Just remember…if you need an alibi, I'll make sure you have an air tight one…no court would ever convict you! We'll just spread some word around that Heinrich was a Nazi, or maybe a Communist, and then ---"

"Numbuh 2.…Pleeeaaase shut up," Abby said as she groaned, "And get out. Heiny and I've got to discuss some things."

"Oh, okay…" He agreed, getting up. "Wait…what exactly do you mean by 'discuss'?"

"Keep it up and I'll need that alibi for when Numbuh 5 murders _you_," she snapped. He got the message and found his own way out.

"Okay," Abby continued as though Hoagie had never been there, "Daddy's already bought us the tickets back to Germany, and he's got a fake doctor's note all worked up.." Heinrich gave her a look of utter confusion. "I decided earlier I'd head back to Germany with you and check on all of this. And Daddy doesn't care what I do, so long as I maintain an A average in all classes."

"Oh."

"So…everything's up and ready to go. You just need to tell your parents you're coming, and that I'll be with you."

"It might not be as easy as zhat, _liebchen_…."

Abigail paused, studying Heinrich and growing nervous when his frown went to a nervous sort of smile. "And…what, exactly, is going to make it hard?"

"_Mein_ Grandfather is _ein_ little….vierd…"

"Guess it runs in the family," Abby muttered. Heinrich heard her, but did not bother to react. For once, he actually had more pressing matters on his hands. Like how badly she would probably hurt him when he gave her this news. "So, what's so bad about him? Aside from the marriage bit?"

"Vell…he is not _ein_ big fan of America…._und_…I may haff told him zat you…vere German."

"Ah-huuuh…" Abby said slowly as she assessed it. "So…your granddaddy's crazy, so you told him that I was German…so he's expectin' you to show up with some German girl on your arm."

"Zat's not exactly all, Abby…" She tapped her foot against the floor, her Mary Janes making shuffling noises against her carpeting. _Wonder what this is going to be_…she thought as she waited for Heinrich to go on. "Vell..he is very obsessed with ze old vays."

"So? I can handle calling him 'sir' or whatever…Numbuh 5 knows how to act around adults.."

"Not like _mein_ Grandfather you don't…He expects you to show up in…traditional German clothing. He requested it."

Abby groaned, resisting the urge to reach out and smack Heinrich with all her might. She wasn't sure what was holding her back from doing so. Probably that he actually looked terrified right now. "So…what…lederhosen?"

"_Nein_…._ein dirndl_," he said slowly. "He asked for it…I may haff promised zat you vhould.."

"And what," Abby's fists were clenched, and her mouth was not moving. Her words were being formed perfectly through her teeth. Heinrich still didn't really get women, but even he knew that this was not a good sign. "the heck is a 'dirndl'?"

"_Ein_ …dress."

"These wouldn't be like those ugly things you see women in on those movies that are supposed to be German..you know with the bodice, and the apron, and the awww..you know what I'm talking about?"

"_Und_….if I said 'j_a'_ you vouldn't kill me, vould you?"

"That depends, Heiny," Abby said, taking a step towards him. "Would you be saying so jokingly, or would you be admittin to Numbuh 5 that you not only told your Granddaddy I would meet him - without asking permission first, by the way - but that you would also told him I would wear one of only styles of dresses that rivaled Le Sissy's wardrobe before it was destroyed?"

"Umm…_ja_ .._und_ isn't it pronounced Si-say?"

"Heinrich, right now the only thing you need to be worrying about how to say is 'somebody get me to a hospital' when your jaw has been broken in two! I can't believe this! I cannot believe this!"

"Um…vell, if it helps, he vants me to wear ze lederhosen too…"

"And how exactly would that help?" Abby demanded. Heinrich shrugged.

"Vell, you're going to vear it. Zhere is no oser vay…"

"Heinrich.."

"Yeah?"

"If we _do_ somehow, for some reason, end up married…you realize that after Numbuh 5 gets done with you after this whole thing, you probably won't be able to have children?"

"Err…."

"Just keep that in mind, the next time you tell your granddad I'll do something that you should know I won't."

"Very vell, _liebchen, aber_ you vill be ze one to explain to him vhy you chose not to…he has a vay of getting everyone to do exactly vhat he wants…even you won't be able to stop him from controlling you before long."

"Your grand pappy does NOT scare me…Now let's get goin'. The sooner Numbuh 5 gets this over with, the sooner you'll stop bugging her about everything. And Heinrich?"

"_Ja_?"

"If I somehow end up in that stupid dress while we're over there, I WILL take Numbuh 2 up on his offer of an alibi."


	13. Grandfather

-1**Author's Note: **Unfortunately, this story has caused the unthinkable. Two of my guy friends and I will be singing a song from Phantom of the Opera for the talent show. I had thoughts of Heinrich in my head, and suddenly, kept imagining him singing it. I made the mistake of mentioning this to my friend who will be playing the Phantom, and now he is insistent that he do it with a German accent. I have a little less than two weeks to stop that atrocity and learn how to sing Christine's part. We're doomed. Also, I want to try to make Grandfather Leopold somewhat likeable, so if by the next chapter, you still don't like him, I'm going back and writing this all over again. Oh, and there are parts where Leopold says a word that starts with "t" and there's an "s" instead of the typical "z"…sometimes it just sounds closer to the German accent, so that is NOT a typo, okay? Okay.

Once more Heinrich lead the way into his house, but this time when he opened the door and motioned for Abby to head in, she was greeted by a cloud of smoke. Cigar smoke, in fact. It overwhelmed her, making her eyes water. It was not a pleasant smell.

"Ah, I see grandfather is here.." Heinrich said, closing the door behind them. He lead the way to the parlor, motioning for Abby to follow behind. There was a fire going in the fire place, and before it sat a man with a cigar in one hand and the newspaper in the other. He was fast asleep, though, and snoring quite loudly. His hair was the exact same style as Heinrich's, though a milky shade of white instead of pale blonde. His skin was greatly wrinkled, his veins showing in odd places, but in sleep he seemed a cheerful enough man. He was smiling.

Abby decided to take it as a good sign. "Grandfather! _Guten morgen_!" Heinrich shouted in his grandfather's ear. The elderly man jumped, instantly alert. It was like watching a mannequin or doll spring to life. It seemed kind of unnatural, at least in Abby's opinion. The elderly gentleman put out his cigar, before pulling a pair of spectacles out of his coat pocket and placing them on the bridge of his nose. His gaze wandered over to Abby eventually, and his eyes wandered up and down her.

_He's too old to hit..he's too old to hit…_Abby reminded herself as she shrunk back from his gaze. He was inspecting her, she knew, and it was not making her the least bit happy. Finally, Heinrich's grandfather opened his mouth. "_Wie heißen Sie_?" He finally asked. If not for the tone, she would not have even realized it was a question.

"Numbuh 5's not sure what you---"

Heinrich cut her off. "Das ist Abigail," Heinrich jerked his head to the side in a funny way. It took Abby a moment to get that he wanted her to shake her grandfather's hand. She gripped it and he nodded, looking pleased.

"_Liebst du ihn_?"

Abby frowned, _Thanks to stupid Heinrich, his granddaddy thinks I speak German…_ "Look, Mr. Von Marzipan, I don't speak German. Numbuh 5's got no clue what you're saying!"

The elderly man looked put off for a second. "Zhen.….vhere are you from?" He demanded. His voice had an even stronger accent than Heinrich's, and Abby had to listen very carefully to fully understand what he said.

"Well," she looked to Heinrich, who was shaking his head no so violently she thought his head would fall right off. "…I was born in France.."

"France?" Leopold Von Marzipan's eyes narrowed. "I remember as a boy I hated ze French…all _mein_ family did….But zhen," He was suddenly smiling, "I found ze best chocolatier zhere..it is vhere I get all _mein_ truffles from. You are velcome here, zhen, Abigail. You still live zhere now, _ja_?"

"Uh..no. Numbuh 5's from--"

"Grandfather, is is time for your pills!" Heinrich said suddenly, taking a hand and gesturing it across his throat in a 'knock it off' manner. "Here ve go, here ve go, vant to make you all nice _und _healthy again…" He handed his grandfather a pill from the table beside the chair.

"Aww…_Danke_, Heinrich. _Ich habe Durst…_"

"Oh..I vill get you something to drink, zhen.." Heinrich said, making his way into the kitchen.

Leopold Von Marzipan waited until his grandson was completely out of earshot. "So…how did _mein_ grandson end up vith such _ein_ pretty girl?"

"Err…that's a bit of a complicated story," Abby said, pulling her hat off and fiddling with it. It was a nervous habit of hers. _Complicated is an understatement…_ "It just..sorta happened." Well, at least that was true.

Leopold nodded energetically, "I vondered vhen he vould stop being so silly…vhenever girls vere mentioned to him for a vhile, he kept screaming something about Guatemala…It reminds me of _mein_self, back vhen I vas Heinrich's age. I met _ein_ girl over at ze Candy Bar - ..I don't suppose you are familiar vith ze candy pirates?"

"Uh…a little bit.."

"_Ja_, vell…zere I met zis girl. Ve vent together on _ein_ trip to see if ve couldn't recover ze Golden Gummis over in America. Ve couldn't agree on anything…both of us vhere to stubborn. It's vhere Hinz gets it from, I'm afraid…"

"Hinz?" Abby asked. She received no answer. Leopold just continued on with his story, as though she had never interrupted.

"_Ja_, vhell, ve vhere in ze jungle at _ein_ shrine, _und_ suddenly, ze floor opened up, _und_ she fell…I spent veeks zhere looking for her. I couldn't find her. I had to return to _Deutschland _vith out her….she vas very upset later. She vould not forgive me for many, many years…"

"That hits kind of close to home," Abby admitted, glancing towards the kitchen. Heinrich was still there, and she wasn't really sure what was taking him so long. But she found herself quite interested in the story. "So…what happened?"

"Vell, it vas the usual vay zese sings turn out….Ve ended up married _ein_ little vhile after she forgave me. I vish she vas alive to see zis day…Hinz said you vere _ein_ candy hunter, too…is ziz true?"

"Yeah, I do that too," she said softly.

"_Wunderbar_!" The old man exclaimed, clapping his hands together. "I vas alvays scared he might fall for somebody who vasn't interested in _mein_ family's tradition. Or, just as bad, _ein_ American--"

"Uh, Mr. Marzipan, about that, I'm--"

"But instead, he brings home you! Not only _ein_ candy hunter, but French. And very pretty, to top if off! Ah, Hinz has shown himself…he veally vill replace me as ze head of ze family one day.."

"Uh..who else is there to?"

"He has several cousins. All showed promise, but, vell…between you and me, _liebchen_, I haff alvays preferred Hinz over zem. But ze rules state zat ze first to be married gets it…_mein _rule, actually..I made it up one day..Don't remember exactly vhen. I do remember I vas drunk. I often vas vhen I made those sings up…"

"Well…did you ever think about…not using them?"

"Not using zhem?" The old man rubbed his chin, appearing very deep in thought. "_Nein_, never thought of zhat…."

Abby was about to break into the sentence to add that it was good that he was thinking outside the box, and that maybe her and Heinrich's wedding was …well, unorthodox, when the old man charged ahead.

"But vhy start now? It has vorked vonders for _mein _children! _Und_ Heinrich got himself quite _ein_ catch vith you…_nein, nein_….ze rule stays. Heinrich and you vill be married, he vill take my place as ze head of ze family, and all vill be _wunderbar_."

"But what if--"

"After all…Heinrich knows zat I vant to see him ved before I go…"

"Uh…" Abby dreaded the answer to her question, but asked anyways. "Go where?"

"To _mein_ resting place, _frau_ Abigail…It vas my fondest vish that Hinz take over for me before I die. So zhat I know ze family will be in capable hands," His pale blue eyes stared into her light brown ones. "_und…_you vouldn't take zat from me, vould you? Vould you really deny an old man his dying vish?" Abby sighed, and shook her head. _I wasn't expecting **this**…Heinrich should have told me all of this first! _She thought angrily as Leopold grabbed her hand.

"_Vunderbar_! Zhen ve vill make sure all ze arrangements are made vithin _ein _week…" He started jabbering on about marriage as Abby took a seat on the floor, feeling completely trapped. How could she say no to a dying man?

Leopold Von Marzipan continued to speak, but smiled wickedly to himself. _I can't believe zhey both fell for it…I am as healthy und stark as I've ever been…But at least zis vay, I can be sure zat Hinz takes over ze family. Und zis Abby might just be ze person who knows exactly how to talk him out of his stubborn fits…Ja…ja…zis plan is definitely mein best ever…_


	14. He's ein tricky one

**Author's note: **…I hope you guys are up late. (a la rabbit from Alice in Wonderland) I'm late! I'm late…no time to say hello, here we go! (Hey, it rhymed!…heh…I'll…just uh..yeah, start the chapter now)

Heinrich returned with his grandfather's tea, putting an end to that awkward conversation. Or so Abby thought. "So she has agreed to marry you…_Wunderbar_, _mein _Hinz! You vill be married right avay, of course…_und_ zen you both take over for me…oh, you make your grandfather proud!"

"Yeah….uh…can I talk to you for a minute, Heiny?" Without waiting for an answer, Abby pulled him back into the kitchen. "Why didn't you tell me you' granddaddy was dyin?"

Heinrich looked away. "I thought you vould zink I vas only marrying you to make him happy."

"As opposed to only marrying you because we….uh…did things?" Heinrich blushed, but said nothing. "Heinrich, we can't let him keep thinking we're getting married. I'm not going to do it. You're being ridiculous, and so is he!"

"Zhen vhy didn't you tell him zat?!"

"Because….well…"

"Because you don't tell _ein _dying man anything zat might upset him," Heinrich finished for her. "_Und _trust me, Abigail…zis vould upset him most of all. He has talked about zis since I vas very little…_Und_ he actually approves of you -"

"Only cuz he doesn't realize I'm American! How long before he figures that out, Heiny?"

"If ve keep our voices down, _Abigail_," He hissed, "It might be a little bit longer than you expect. _Und_ if you are so keen to get him to drop zis, zhen you do vhat you said you vould and go tell _him_ zat you refuse to do zat. If you can do zhat, our arrangement is off. I vill stop bothering you to get married."

"All right," Abby said, adjusting her hat and clenching her fist. "I'll go do it right now!" She walked out into the parlor, and placed her hands on her hips when she reached Leopold. "Now look here, Mr. Marzipan, I know you're sick and all, and Numbuh 5's sorry about that, but that's no reason to--"

"Abigail," Leopold said softly, "I understand. You are not ready to get married yet…_ja_…I understand. _Aber_, I vas just hoping…it vas my fondest vish, as vell as his grandmother's. She did not get to see it, and so…vell, I guess it only makes it fair zat I shouldn't see it eiser…may _Gott _rest her veary soul…_und_ may she be vith him in heaven…"

Abby was immediately clenched by guilt. "Oooh….uh…" She sighed, "I'm sorry, that's not what Numbuh 5 meant. She just meant…uh…she means she needs more than a week to get ready," she said, completely defeated. _I can't do it…if I tell him no, he looks like he'd drop dead just from heartbreak. _

"Oh, zat is such vunderful news, Abigail! _Mein Gott_, I've a lot of planning to do! You vill be married _sofort_!" _Can't believe she actually fell for zat,_ Leopold thought to himself, noting that the girl seemed to have a weakness for those in need. _She must be a very kind hearted person…all ze better. It makes mein job soooo much easier._

"Uh…sofort?" Heinrich was now standing beside her.

"It means 'immediately' in English, I believe," He seemed acceptant of his fate, though. "Grandfather, vhy ze rush? I still have _ein _month before I surn 18.…_und_ Abigail has even longer!"

"Oh..I understand, Hinz," Leopold took off his glasses and stared into the fire. "Family tradition does not matter to you…I had hoped you vould take _mein _place, _aber_ I can not force you, and I vould never. _Nein_! I loff you too much for zat…far too much. I vould go to se very ends of ze Earth for you, _mein_ grandson…I vould take a bullet in ze heart. _Aber_, if you do not vish to give your oldest living relative his last dying vish…vell, vhat can I do? I loff you too much to contest it…"

_Okay, now he's just jerking around our chain, _Abigail realized, but she couldn't bring herself to say it. So long as she believed that Leopold Von Marzipan was dying, she couldn't just tell him where his guilt trips could get off. Plus he looked so tragically sad at that moment.

"Oh, very vell…." Heinrich agreed, "I see you vill not be content vith mere victory in one aspect..you must haff it all. Vell, fine. Ve'll get married according to your schedule. Err…right, Abigail?"

"..Did you just ask my opinion about it?" She was shocked now. He had kept pushing her earlier, refusing to listen to her about why they shouldn't get married, why she didn't want to right now. But she appreciated the gesture, and Leopold Von Marzipan was now sitting in his chair, tears in his eyes as he looked upon them.

"Please….say you vill marry _mein_ Grandson, Abigail…"

"Oh…oh……uh…All right, fine," She agreed, as her mind tried to formulate a plan. There was no quick way out of this, but maybe she could find some way to contact her team, and they could help without upsetting Heinrich's grandpa. She didn't know how, but that was exactly why she was going to call the other members of the team in that night. _Besides…Numbuh 5's got a feeling something weird's going on here…like maybe she's getting the short end of the stick._

Grandpa Leopold was ecstatic. "_Ein _vedding, _ein _vedding! Oh, you two make zis old man so very happy…you vould have made _mein_ Gretchen so happy right now, too…_Gott_ rest her…"

Abby bit her lip, feeling guilty for doubting the old man. He seemed kind of senile, but likeable at the same time. Besides, he was a widower, and seemed to be a good guardian for Heinrich. _You oughtta feel ashamed of yourself, Numbuh 5...he's an old man. He's harmless. There's no way he's up to anything._


	15. Running Out of Time

**Author's Note:** My apologies for being late. I fell asleep at the computer (Webcomics, this is what you have done to me!) and then couldn't fall back asleep. So I took a nap later today. Suffice it to say, when I woke up, I had to sit down and have a talk with myself. At first, I tried to fire myself, but I felt bad for such a pathetic being, and have decided to give myself one last chance. But man, if I don't perform outstandingly, I'm getting a new self. I hear they sell them at Walmart….Will that technically make it slave labor?

There was a great hiss as the C.O.O.L.-B.U.S. touched down in the Von Marzipan's back yard. The engine sputtered then, before completely dying. Another great hiss and the door was opened, two operatives and one girlfriend exiting together.

"Was it really necessary for you to come along, Lizzie?" Nigel asked, "I mean, this is going to be boring. It was a routine distress call from Numbuh 5, so--"

"Nothing's going to be routine about this," Hoagie said, shoving his hands in his pockets as he lead the way towards the house. "Trust me."

Nigel ignored him. "Lizzie, you know how much trouble I got in the last time you came. Shouldn't you just head back home? We'll be fine, I promise--"

"Forget it, Nigel Uno!" Lizzie said, grabbing her boyfriend's hand and pulling him with her. "You go off on these missions and leave me alone too long. Well, not this time, bub. I'm going to make sure this is dealt with quickly, and then you and I are going home to finish planning our wedding."

"But, we're not even --"

"Nigey," Lizzie said, her voice positively dripping with venom, "We are going in there, we are saving Numbuh 5, and then we are going home to look at wedding dresses and china patterns. GOT IT?!"

"But..but…" Nigel sighed, giving up. He could face any adult tyranny. His girlfriend, however, was one he knew better than to tangle with. "Yes, dear."

Hoagie made a sound like the cracking a whip, then shrugged innocently when Lizzie glared at him. They reached the backdoor, and all paused. "Do we…just go right in, or what?" Hoagie asked.

"We should probably knock," Lizzie said thoughtfully.

"Oh, we're on a RESCUE mission! We don't have time for knocking! We're here to save someone, not enjoy tea…" He pulled the door open and ran inside, the other two following quickly after. "Numbuh 5?" He called.

"Abby…" Hoagie tried.

"ABIGAIL LINCOLN, WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!" Lizzie yelled. Her scream was loud enough to wake the dead, and it certainly got the attention of anyone in the house. A girl with dark skin and a long black braid came out of a nearby room. She was wearing a German dress, and she did not look pleased. But she certainly did look familiar…

"..Abby?!" Nigel and Hoagie both asked. The girl grumbled before nodding.

"Oh, man, Numbuh 5, it's worse than we thought! It's like…German delightfulization," Hoagie said, "Or …actually, well, even the Delightful's clothing is better than that! That's just plain..that's…that's just torture!"

"Tell me about it," Abby muttered. "Numbuh 5 still can't believe this.."

"So, what is the nature of your emergency, Numbuh 5?" Nigel asked. "You know…aside from that dress?"

"Oh, I think it's darling!" Lizzie added.

"You would," Hoagie snorted. But all three had their attention back to Abby, who sighed.

"It's worse than the dress --"

"Oh, c'mon, Abby, it can't be _that_ bad," Hoagie said encouragingly.

"Yes it is," She said insistently. "Numbuh 5.…Numbuh 5 is getting….gettin' married!"

"I thought you said you turned him down?!" Nigel demanded, "Who are you and what have you done with Abby? Are you a clone? Robot? She would _never_ agree to this.._never_! Unless…were you coerced into this?"

"Well, sorta.." She admitted.

"How? We'll get rid of all the blackmail they have on you….then we'll get you into the Kids Next Door Witness Relocation program, and make sure that--"

"Nigel, it's not that easy. See, Heinrich's grandfather--"

"Where is he?" Nigel demanded. Abby sighed, knowing this would not be a good idea. She jerked her thumb over her shoulder, towards the parlor. "He's in there, but I wouldn't try talking to him if I were you, Numbuh 1. It won't help anyth--"

Nigel was not listening. He barged into the parlor. "All right, _adult_, we're leaving, and we're taking Numbuh 5 with us, and if you want her back you can just _try_ to chase after us!"

"..Zhat might not be ze best sing to say to _ein_ man in _ein _vheelchair," Leopold Von Marzipan said sadly. "Vould you really take _mein_ daughter-in-law avay from me, vhen her marriage to _mein_ Hinz is ze last thing zis old man vishes to see before he leaves shis vorld?"

"Oh..that's so.." Lizzie sniffled, "That's so sad! Nigey, what have I told you about threatening people in wheelchairs?!"

"Yeah, that's the reason Numbuh 5 hasn't run…" Abby whispered to Hoagie. "You can't run away from an old man in a wheelchair. It's just ain't right. And…well…he's dying. The last thing he wanted to see was Heiny get married."

"Ouch," Hoagie whispered back. "How long do we have to figure a way of getting you out of here without upsetting him so much that he drops dead of a heart attack?"

"Six more days."

"Abby?"

"Yeah?"

Hoagie ran a hand through his hair. "Can I be best man? Cuz there's no way in hell we're going to be able to get you out of this in time."


	16. Polterabend

-1**Author's Note (please read):** My apologies for being late, but I've got something to say right now. I spent a lot of time this weekend reading through some dreadful fanfics, and decided to look through the reviews. Amazingly enough, despite the OOC-ness, despite the ridiculous situations, despite the sheer stupidity of some of the stories, there were always several people that adored them. I looked into these people, and they were always huge fans of the coupling. And so, now, I say, if you are reading this and liking it just because of 5/Heinrich, don't bother replying to this. Do not add it to your favorite's list. Do not tell anyone about it. Because the last thing I want is to be grouped with these people that can't seem to get past their obsession with a shipping long enough to realize they just wasted an hour so reading through absolute dreck. Now, this may seem harsh, and I don't mind you replying to argue with me (just keep in mind I'll argue my points right back), but this is how I feel. And by the way, I didn't make this custom up. They seriously do it in Germany (isn't that cool?) But the research I did says different things about when it takes place. Some say it's the eve of the wedding, others say it comes a few days ahead of it.

"…Heinrich, you wanna tell Numbuh 5 why there are a bunch of people here all a' sudden?" Abby asked, frowning as a chubby child came up behind her and snatched her hat right off her head, the chocolate that was on his fingers getting transferred onto her hat.

"_Polterabend_, _mein_ Abigail," He said with a sigh. They were both sitting beside each other on the couch. Lizzie, Hoagie and Nigel were all boxed into a corner by a group of girls who were all shouting at them in German.

"Okay…so who are all these people?"

"_Mein _cousins and aunts --"

"So where are your parents?" Abby interrupted. Heinrich shrugged.

"Zhey sent _ein _postcard earlier. Zhey vill be here for ze vedding."

"You mean if we can't figure a way out of it, right?" Abby asked firmly. He nodded. One of Heinrich's older cousins, presumably about Heinrich's age, was headed their way. He was thin as a rail, and wore nothing but black.

"_Guten tag_, Hinz!" The teen said cheerfully, plopping himself down next to Abby. "_und _who is your friend here?"

"_Mein_ fiancée," Heinrich said, his eyes narrowed at his cousin. "Vhat do you vant, anyvays, Jan?"

"Just to see ze girl everyone is talking about, Hinz…" The boy smiled. "Grandfather is most happy you vill be ze one to take over. It seems he does not approve of me…"

"You turned your back on ze candy hunter vays," Heinrich accused. Abby pushed herself further into the couch, trying not to get trapped in the middle of their argument. It didn't work, of course. Especially as Jan kept scooting in as he argued, forcing Abby all the closer to Heinrich, finally getting her pinned there.

"Just because I prefer _ein_ carrot stick to _ein_ chocolate log, nobody vants me to gain control of ze family," Jan sulked, crossing his arms. "Vell, at least I vill live longer zhen all of you, and never come down vith diabetes."

"_Das ist mir egal_," Heinrich said, choosing to ignore his cousin. Not to mention that Abby had been practically pushed into his lap during the argument.

At that moment, Leopold Von Marzipan was wheeled into the room. "_Willkommen_, _mein_ family _und_ friends of ze bride…._willkommen_…as you know, ve are gathered here for ze _Polterabend_…does everybody haff zhere china?"

"…Did he say 'china'?" Hoagie asked, turning to the others to make sure he wasn't going crazy. Sure enough, the people in the room all pulled out fine china and other various types of breakable kitchen ware.

"I know you didn't know about zis," Leopold was talking to Lizzie, Nigel, and Hoagie at that point, "So I haff brought some for you as vell…" He pulled out a bag and motioned them for each to take something out of it.

"So…what, is this like picking out china patterns?" Hoagie asked. Leopold, Jan, and all the other Van Marzipans laughed.

"_Nein_, silly! Ve throw zem at ze bride _und_ groom!" Jan explained, motioning for Abby and Heinrich to get up.

"Oh, no waaay is Numbuh 5 letting' a bunch of crazy people throw plates at her!" Abby planted her feet, refusing to move. Unfortunately for her, Heinrich's size gave him the added strength needed to be able to easily lift her. He leaned over and picked her up, carrying her towards the entryway of the living room. "..What the heck do you think you're doin?!"

"It vould be best not to argue vith zhem, Abigail…" Heinrich seemed completely resigned to his fate. He wasn't bothering to argue with Leopold about marriage, and Abby couldn't talk him into standing up to him. No matter how many times she tried. When they got to the entryway, Heinrich set her down, but grabbed her hand so that she couldn't leave.

"If they hit us--" she said threateningly, but he cut her off.

"Zat is not ze point, _mein_ Abigail. It is for good luck."

"…You gain good luck by throwing plates at people?" She raised an eyebrow at him, but said nothing else. Jan was now trying to teach some of the younger children how to throw the places. He demonstrated, and Abby jumped back as the plate landed and cracked into pieces about an inch away from her right foot.

"Ah, if you keep moving, ve keep throwing!" Jan said jokingly. Heinrich, however, moved his body slightly in front of her.

"Zhere. It von't hit you, Abby. I promise. No vone vill stand directly in front of us to throw…zhey all stand sort of to ze side, you see?" Abby was too taken back by the sudden kindness he'd done to say anything. _He just did it because he thinks Jan really will throw more plates if I keep jumping.._ she decided.

Now the whole group was throwing plates, a cacophony of smashes and laughter going up into the air. "Man, Numbuh 4's gonna be so jealous," Hoagie said, rubbing his hands together after he'd thrown his cup. "Imagine..actually being _encouraged_ to throw and break china!"

Lizzie was the only one who hadn't thrown her plate. "Uh-oh..Heiny..duck."

"Vhy?"

"Just trust me!" Abby pulled him down to the floor as the plate went wizzing by, Frisbee style, going through the exact location Heinrich's head had just been. It went into the next room and smashed against the wall there, shattering.

"Hey, that was fun!" Lizzie said cheerfully. "Do I get extra points or something?" 

Jan chuckled. "_Nein, _ve only do zhat if you actually _hit_ ze groom…speaking of vhich, zat's everyone….you need to clean up ze mess now, Hinz."

Surprisingly, at least to Abby, who didn't know the custom, Heinrich nodded and ran off to get a dust pail and broom. "_Jetzt muss ich gehen_," Jan announced, turning to Abigail, "It vas _ein_ pleasure meeting you, Abigail…I vill see you on ze vedding day, zhen. _Tschüs_." He gave a sort of salute and headed off.

Heinrich snorted. He had returned with the dust pail and broom in hand, and was working on getting all the fragments of china up off the floor. "I haff alvays disliked him…he is up to something."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because, _mein_ Abigail, he is older zhen me by _ein_ month, _und_ he vas expected to take ze place as ze head of ze family. _Aber_, no one vants him to. He vants to build _ein_ chain of health food stores…Health food! Can you imagine?" Heinrich grumbled, wiping his gloved hands on his pants as he got up from the floor.

"Vell, that vas a good day!" Leopold said from his wheel chair. "_und _tomorrow vill be even better!"

"…What makes you say that?" Hoagie asked cautiously.

"Because, zhen Abigail vill try on _mein_ Gretchen's vedding dress…ah, she vill be so beautiful in it!"

"Wedding dress?" Lizzie's ears had perked up at that, which caused Nigel to give an immediate groan. "I'll help with that!"

"_Ja, Ja,_ you vill help get it fitted to Abigail! But zhat is for tomorrow," Leopold said, nodding his head. "For tonight, ve must all be friends _und _family…and zhen get some sleep. Ve still haff so much to do for zis vedding, after all!"


	17. You look pretty

**Author's Note:** The further this story progresses, the more unsure I am about whether or not I'll end it with Heinrich and Abby actually getting married or not. I still haven't decided. All right, The-Drabbler, be my guest to draw this. Just ensure that somehow or another, I find my way to that picture (so a link, if you please). The dress is a traditional German dress, but it's from the 1500s. However, I think the dress is GORGEOUS, and so am using that one. And I get sappy here. I apologize.

"All right, off to bed, off to bed!" Leopold Von Marzipan announced after all the guests had left. "You haff _ein_ long veek ahead of you, I am sure…"

"Err…we don't really have a place to stay," Nigel said, unsure of whether or not it would be rude to directly ask if they could spend the night. "Perhaps we should just head back home to the --"

"_Nein, nein_!" Leopold said, shaking his head, "You are friends of Abigail's, are you not? _Nein, _I haff two guest bedrooms. You _und _ze healthy one," He pointed to Hoagie, "You vill stay in one room, and your lovely girlfriend in another.."

"_Aber_, Grandfather, vhere vill Abby stay zhen?"

"Vhy in your room of course!"

"Surely you are joking! Ve cannot stay in ze same room! _Nein_! Zhere is only one bed in zhere, _und_ ve don't have ze cot since Uncle Aurel slept on it _und_ ve had to throw it avay!"

"You don't mean to tell me you do not vish to sleep in ze same bed as your beautiful bride-to-be?" Leopold looked absolutely shocked. "I sought sat vould make you happy…Heinrich, zhere is no two vays about it. She goes in your room. You must get used to it at some point. You vill be sharing _ein_ bed for a very long time…" With that, the old man wheeled himself out of the room.

"You'd think he'd be used to sharing a bed with her _now_," Hoagie muttered. Abby threw him a death glare, but Nigel and Lizzie had both burst into giggling.

"Fine, whatever..Abigail, you remember vhere my room is, _ja­_---"

"Bow chica bow wow…" Hoagie imitated porn music from his corner. Now Nigel and Lizzie didn't appear to be able to breathe, they were laughing so hard.

"I loathe you," Heinrich stated simply, giving Hoagie a death glare before leading Abby to his room. "You take ze bed. It's only right."

"Well, it's your bed," Abby said slowly. "I'll take the floor, Heiny. Numbuh 5'll be fine on the floor. I promise."

Heinrich sighed. "I am too tired to argue vith you this time, Abigail. Vhy don't ve both take ze bed?"

"All right, deal," Abby agreed, turning into his room.

"Um…could you turn avay? I kind of haff to get ready," Heinrich was blushing now, tapping his boot against the floor as he waited for Abby to fulfill his request. She, however, started laughing.

"Oh, c'mon, Heiny…nothing I haven't seen before, remember?" His blush went from rosy pink to bright crimson, similar to that of a boiled lobster. "Nah, Numbuh 5's just messin' with you. She'll turn away." She made good on her word, waiting for him to tell her it was all right to look back.

"Zhere, all done.." He was in the bed now, and he was no longer wearing a shirt.

"Numbuh 5's gonna go across the hall to the bathroom and change," she announced, chuckling as Heinrich slapped a hand to his face.

"I cannot believe I didn't zink of zat…"

* * *

"_Guten Morgen! Guten morgen!!!_" Came Grandfather Leopold's voice as he rolled into Heinrich's room.

"Huh? What?" Abby's eyes slowly fluttered open, but she did not panic when she saw Heinrich beside her this time. This time it had been perfectly innocent. They were both sober, and nothing had happened. Except that somehow his arm had snaked its way around her body. He removed it immediately when he woke up.

"_Guten morgen_, Grandfaser," Heinrich said as he grabbed the monocle from beside the table. He paused when he noticed the box in his grandfather's lap. "_Und_…vould zat be ze dress Grandmother vas married in?"

Leopold gave an enthusiastic nod. "_Ja_, _und_ your musser as vell! It is _ein_ tradition…here, Abigail," He held the box out for Abby to take. She got up and did so, about to peek in the box when Leopold interrupted her. "You go across ze hall…Lizzie is already up. Such _ein_ energetic friend you haff…she seems eager to help.."

_Yeah, help me get trapped even further into this_, Abby thought bitterly as she crossed the hall. Lizzie slammed the door shut after Abby entered.

"Hello, Abby," She said cheerfully, grabbing the box away from her and opening it. Her face lit up like a Christmas tree. "Oh..my…gosh…it's just daaarrrlliiiiing! Soooo cute!!!" She pulled out a very long dress, with sleeves that puffed at the shoulders. The sleeves ended in a sort of cut that showed the thumb almost completely, but hid parts of the second, middle, and ring finger, and all of the pinky. It puffed out just slightly in two other places along the sleeves. The gown was white, except for the middle. The middle was green, which cut down from the breasts down to the upper thigh in a V-pattern. It's make looked somewhat medieval, in Abby's opinion.

And she didn't like it.

"No _Way_ is Numbuh 5 wearing that!"

"But look at it!" Lizzie argued.

"I AM looking at it! Which is exactly why I'm saying I'm not wearing it! No way…There is absolutely no way you're gettin' Numbuh 5 into that thing! No way, you hear me?!"

"But you're going to make Mr. Von Marzipan sooo sad…"

A few minutes later found Abby in the dress, glaring at Lizzie. "I can't _believe_ you got Numbuh 5 to wear this dress." Abby looked herself over in the full length mirror that Lizzie had dragged in from Leopold's room. She was gorgeous in it, the gown hugging her in all the right places, flowing down onto the ground just the way it should have. She, however, felt ridiculous.

"Abigail, Grandfather vants you to come _und_ show him how you lo--" Heinrich had entered the room, and he was staring at her. "I…don't sink I've ever seen you in _ein _dress before."

"..I wear a dress everyday, Heiny," Abby pointed out, turning around, but checking the back of the dress in the mirror. She still didn't like it.

"Vell..it's not very formal…" He said simply, looking down. He muttered something, then walked off.

"..what did he just say?" Abby asked. She hadn't been able to catch it, but Lizzie sometimes seemed to have super sensitive hearing. When it wasn't being super-selective. Lizzie smiled.

"He said you look pretty."


	18. Waltzing

**Author's Note: **Sorry about being late again. Lamenting the loss of, well, rather the fact that I can never have what I want. I have GOT to stop falling for straight chicks….Oh, and artbgirl gave this fic a recommendation. Thank you, if you're reading this. Again, I get sappy….I was originally going to have Kuki and Wally come over instead of Lizzie and Nigel, but I know how many people would complain that I don't do 3/4 'moments'. Hell no. You get enough from the show as it is, don't go looking to me to write them. Oh, and nobody called my bluff! Yes, Polterabend does exist, but they don't actually throw the plates AT the bride and groom. I just thought it made an interesting tradition funny.

"Abigail," Leopold clapped his hands together as she entered the room in the wedding dress. He looked as though he were about to cry. "You look so beautiful! Doesn't she, Hinz?" Heinrich looked down at the ground. Lizzie smirked, but Nigel and Hoagie were oblivious to the meaning. "So, zhen, can you move freely in ze dress?"

"Uh…" Abby took a step forward, assuming that was the old man's indication. He shook his head.

"_Nein, nein_! In Germany, ze first dance of ze bride _und_ groom is ze valtz! Hinz, you go over zhere.." He motioned his grandson to Abby's side. Heinrich stood stationary for a moment, but then seemed to realize that his grandfather was absolutely resolute in this, as with all things. He stood at Abby's side. "Now, now, Hinz, not like zat! You both must valtz…you know how to.."

"Numbuh 5 can barely move in this dress, much less waltz in it!" Abby complained as Heinrich grabbed one of her hands. His other hand wrapped around her waist, but he did not move in. They were a good distance apart. "Uh…I don't know this dance," She admitted, suddenly feeling frustrated. It seemed so unusual that Heinrich should know something that she didn't, at least something that didn't have to do with candy.

"Zhen ve start simply, _mein_ Abigail," He said, "Ze box step, zhen?"

She frowned. "Numbuh 5 doesn't really do…classical dances. I did ballet for a little while, but I kinda quit because the tutus were just so…" she shrugged.

"It's easy," Heinrich assured her, "I vill put _mein_ left foot forward vhile you put your right leg back. Zhen I pull _mein_ right leg to _mein_ left so zat zhey are closed…zhen I do ze reverse. You do ze opposite of vhat I do. Not hard, _ja_?"

"Uh..I think I got it…" Abby said, looking down. Behind them, Hoagie was tapping out the rhythm of a simple waltz by slamming his hand down on the table. Leopold nodded, encouraging him to keep going.

"_Und eins, zwei, drei, und eins, zwei, drei_…" Heinrich said, his eyes closed. He gave an absolute air of confidence, and Abby could easily tell that he'd done this before. She, for her part, managed to get it down a mere minute after starting. It wasn't that complicated, after all.

"Aw, _genau_," Heinrich said approvingly. She gave him a puzzled look. "Right," He elaborated, letting go of her hands.

"_Wunderbar_, _aber_, I vant you to go practice some more…" Leopold said from his corner. "Ve vant everything perfect for your vedding, _ja_? So, now ve--" the doorbell rang at that instant, but the person on the other side did not wait to be admitted. A second later the door flung open, and Jan came inside.

"Aw, Jan…velcome…," Leopold didn't really seem that enthused to see his eldest grandson, but if Jan noticed, he gave no signs of such. "Abigail, Heinrich..you vill both go into ze other room _und_ practice..I vill vetch you…" He turned to Nigel, Hoagie, and Lizzie. "You vill keep Jan entertained, _ja_?"

They nodded, but all realized they were getting the short end of the stick. For whatever reason, Grandpa Leopold did not want to talk to Jan, so he was sticking them with his dirty work. Jan sat down on the couch, immediately crossing his legs and stretching his arms out.

"So…I vas vondering…vhat sort of thing do you all do for fun?" Jan asked, looking bored. He knew that his grandfather did not wish to speak to him, and he was irritated that Leopold had made that fact so blatantly obvious. But he figured there was no harm in making small talk.

"We are the Teens Next Door, fighting evil adult tyranny! We don't do things for f--"

"NIGEY!" Lizzie snapped. "You know how it scares people when you tell them about your little playgroup." Nigel frowned at the Teens Next Door being called a 'playgroup', but he did not argue back. "We just do..you know, normal stuff."

"_und.._vhat is normal? For wherever you are from?" There was no malice intended here. At least, not in that moment. But in that one innocent question, Jan was about to get the key to what he wanted.

"Oh, you know…basketball, football…ice cream…" Hoagie listed, "Video games…building things --"

"In your case blowing them up," Lizzie muttered. Hoagie ignored her.

"You know, typical American teenagers. That kind of stuff."

At first, Jan did not react. He seemed startled, though. Then his startled expression melted away, before slowly growing into a twisted smile of malice and schemes. "Oh…American, eh?"

"No, I'm pretty sure the 'eh' thing is Canadian," Hoagie said thoughtfully, missing the tone Jan was speaking in.

"Oh, _es tut mir leid_," Jan apologized. "On second sought, tell grandfather I vill come back to see him tomorrow. I must …attend to some things. _Tschau_," He half saluted before making his exit.

"Man, that guy is weird," Hoagie said conversationally. Lizzie shook her head.

"Weird is an understatement, but he's up to something," she turned to Nigel, "Nigey, what do you think?"

"That you're exactly right, Lizzie," Nigel said, pulling out a KND communicator from his short's pocket. "And that we're going to need back up."


	19. Verboten

**Author's Note: **So sorry I didn't update, but I'm about to tell you why. I have 3 other stories I'm working on right now. But looking at them, I'm unsure whether I should post them (1 isn't started yet because it will be the most complicated) And now I bore you with details to get your opinions. Because I'm just that evil. The first is the one I want to do most…I don't know what I'd call it, but it would be a full length Wink/Fibb in high school thing. How they came to be who they are, and so they would be how I believe they acted up until a certain point. It would show them evolving into the people they are now. Another is the only slash pairing for the kids I like…86/362. While I prefer 86 with 2, I prefer 362 with 86. Because I usually only set her up with Patton for convenience sake. I don't actually support her with any guys. She seems perfectly content with her job. The third is a total 1984 ripoff. Still very sketchy. Opinions appreciated. Now, since I put you through that boring note, here is your chapter. Oh, and Teh-Drabbler, I believe I managed to find your picture on Deviantart…if Abby's in a pretty medieval style white dress but still wearing her hat (you used blue instead of green on the bodice..), then I managed to find the right picture (I found it while searching 5/Heinrich pictures. Apparently there are only about three artists who do it. So…are you Sweet-Nymph, then?)

"So..how long have you known how to dance, Heiny?" Abby asked, tucking a strand of hair that had come loose from her braid behind her ear. Heinrich removed his monocle and began to polish it.

"Vell…_mein _Grandfather taught me a vhile ago," Abby smirked at his sudden nervousness. She looked down at the wedding gown she was still wearing. It still wasn't in accordance to her tastes, but she decided it wasn't as bad as it could be. It certainly beat the heck out of the _dirndl_.

"Oh, that's cool," Abby picked her hat off the table and put it on, feeling much more natural that way. "Heiny, something's been bothering me…"

"_Ja_, vhat is it?" He asked, replacing his monocle and looking at the teenage girl carefully. He cleared his throat. Something about that dress was making him nervous. Yeah…that was it. It was just the dress. Certainly nothing more than that.

"Ich liebe dich," she said slowly. Heinrich went into a coughing fit.

"…vhat?!"

Abby blinked, confused. "I just wanna know what it means, Heiny. Numbuh 5's not tryin' to insult you or nothing.."

"Oh," he took a deep breath and thumped himself in the chest, as though it would dislodge whatever was making him cough. But nervous coughs are not so easily remedied. He regained composure. "Abigail….I should haff told you. Ze truth is, it means zat…zat I---"

"GRANDFAZER! VHERE ARE YOU? I COME VITH NEWS!!" Jan's piercing shout made Abby wince and Heinrich forget all about what he had been saying. The pair went running to see what Jan was yelling about.

"Vhat do you vant?" Heinrich asked irritably.

"Ah, such a vay to greet your own cousin," Jan said, shaking his head. "Vell, Heinrich, vhat vill Grandfazer sink about Abby vhen he finds out she's _ein_ American!"

Heinrich's face fell. "..Vhat makes you zink zat?" He demanded, trying to look as confident as he could. But it was no use. The fact was, Heinrich could read in Jan's face that he had him. There was no way around that.

"_Vell, _zis vill be fun…" Jan said with a laugh, "I am sorry to do zis to you, cousin, _aber_ it really should haff been _mein _place to take over ze family. Not yours. Perhaps grandfazer vill see zat vhen I tell him about zis. _Ein_ American…._schade_, she seemed so goot for you, too, Hinz."

Heinrich had never been a rational person. He was quick to anger, and he did not like to be challenged. So much was his passion for argument that sometimes he did not realize what he was saying or admitting to, only caring to be right. And so, when he opened his mouth he did not realize all that he said, letting his heart speak in both anger and love.

"You listen to me, Jan Von Marzipan! I do not care vhat grandfaser says about who ve haff to marry! I don't care if he hates Americans…I vill not leave Abigail just because of zat! _Nein_! I von't!"

For a moment, Abby was too caught up in how childishly Heinrich had stamped his foot at the end of his rage to realize what he'd said either. They both came to the realization in the same instant. Unfortunately, they had not noticed Grandfather Leopold's wheelchair rolling up behind them.

"_Ein…_American?" The old man's voice was soft, but still full of rage. The entire room turned to look at him. For a moment, he looked hurt. But it melted away, replaced by the deepest anger, the most dangerous kind of bitterness. "Hinz…zat is _verboten_! _Nein! _None of _mein_ family vill marry _ein _American!" He looked away from Heinrich. "Get zem out. All of your little American friends…._EBEN_!"

He was in no mood to wait. Abby and the others ran from the house, each somewhat scared of the old man. In their haste, all, even Leopold and Heinrich, had forgotten that Abby still wore the wedding dress.

The group climbed aboard the C.O.O.L.-B.U.S., ready to make their way towards America.

"Well," Hoagie said, trying his best to be cheerful, "At least you got out of the marriage."


	20. Ich Liebe Sie

**Author's Note: **First off, in case you're wondering 'how's she going to work on four fanfics at a time', I'll tell you now. Are you crazy?! I will NOT be updating all four daily. I will try to update them 2 at a time daily, taking a break every other week. My focus will mainly be on getting Choktober fest, as it's the closest to being done. From there, my focus will move onto The Line You Crossed, with She Loves Me Not and Malchik Gay taking equal priority. I will update at least one story a day, I assure you. Oh the Brightside of having no life.

"Abby?" Hoagie asked slowly. She had tucked herself away in the corner of the treehouse, pretending to read a magazine. The illusion was shattered the instant one looked closely and realized she was holding it upside down. She raised the magazine higher, but Hoagie had noticed the sad look in her eyes. "Numbuh 5, what's wrong?"

Abby threw the magazine down on the coffee table, leaning forward with her hands rested in her head. "..I think Numbuh 5 got kinda confused," she admitted softly. "For a moment there, I think I actually…"

"Wanted to marry him?" Hoagie finished for her. She gave a weak smile, thankful that she and Hoagie were good enough friends for him to have guessed the exact thing she was thinking at that moment. Especially since she felt awkward even trying to say it out loud. Her mind accepted it, though.

At that moment, her mind jumped to her closet at home. The wedding dress was hanging there, because she just wasn't sure what to do with it. If she sent it back to Heinrich right now, his Grandfather might rip up the heirloom out of sheer anger. "Betcha Heiny's kinda relieved right now.." She muttered, not without some level of bitterness. "Probably wishes he would have told his grandfather sooner that I was raised in America…"

* * *

"Hinz?"

"Hmm?" Heinrich looked up and his expression went to disgust. He had been studying up on rare chocolates only located in South America, and the last thing he wanted at that moment was a visit from his cousin. "Oh…vhat do _you_ vant?"

"_Es tut mir leid_," he said slowly. "I…I didn't vant to hurt you. _Aber_, you said it vasbecause of Grandfazzer's rule zat you had to marry her anyvay. So vhy do you seem so mad at me? I …I didn't realize you actually…"

"I don't!" Heinrich snapped, knowing exactly where Jan was going with this. Jan, though, having the same Von Marzipan blood as Heinrich, did not give up so easily.

"_Ja_, you do, be honest, Hinz," Jan was pressing, and he wasn't about to give Heinrich an inch. "_Liebst du sie_?"

Jan waited a moment, waiting for the answer. Heinrich was very quiet. Then finally, he took a deep breath. "_Ja…Ich liebe sie_. _Aber_, does it really matter? Grandfazzer already put his foot down, so…"

There was a light chuckle and the turning of wheels. "Ah, Hinz…." Leopold applauded, "_mein _grandson! I am so proud of you!"

"I sink I actually may haff had too much candy," Heinrich said, pulling off a glove and putting his hand to his forehead. His skin temperature felt normal…so, then… "Vill someone tell me vhat is going on here?!"

"_Natürlich_, _mein _Hinz," Leopold said cheerfully, "Ze fact is, I really do hate Americans…_aber_ did you really zink I vouldn't approve of her just because of zat?"

"Zhen..zhen vhy did Jan both vith the telling you? _Und_ vhy did you seem so angry vhen you found out?!"

Leopold and Jan both chuckled. Jan answered. "To be honest, Hinz…I really vas mad at you for taking over ze family first. Zhen I noticed just how sad you look…I am not heartless, Heinrich. _Nein_…_und _zhen grandfasser told me just vhy he had done zat, and ve made zis arrangement.."

"I really do not like Americans, _aber, _ze important part vas zhat she vas _ein_ girl who could break through your selfishness, Heinrich…_und_ indeed she did! You actually stood up to me for her!" Leopold nodded, smiling brightly. "_Und_ zhat's vhen I decided that so long as you could admit zhat you loved her, ze vedding should still go on! Zhat's vhy I got Jan here to talk to you."

Heinrich looked dumbfounded. He sat there as everything sunk in, split between rage and relief. "Zhen..I haff to get to Abigail."

"Exactly, Hinz…Ve shall go immediately," Leopold agreed.

"_Ja_, ve sha---Vait, ve?! Vhat do you mean 've'?"

"I haff to apologize to Abigail _mein_self," Leopold said with a shrug. "_Und _besides…I already booked our flights zis morning."


	21. Translation

**Author's Note: **As this is the last chapter, I can't help but look back and chuckle. Originally this was intended to be a short story, just to ensure that there was another 5/Heinrich story up there. I originally intended to end it after the drinking, and never planned the whole sex scene until much later. I originally had a whole back story for Jan, to give him some depth. Just in case you're curious, I was in a debate with myself…he was either going to be gay or incapable of reproduction due to something being wrong with his body, and so, for that reason, would not be allowed to take over the Von Marzipan family because he could not produce an heir. Then I realized I didn't like that idea and also that that might distract too much from the point of the story. I also never intended to be fluffy with this stuff. I usually abhor that kind of junk, because it's so often written so god-awfully. There are exceptions (The few I've found so far are all in my favorite stories list), but I tend to do depressing things. But this story kept changing on me. I didn't know whether to be frustrated or relieved, as the thing was practically writing itself. Either way, please read on. I'll go stand in the corner and stop bothering you. Oh, and if you're reading, artgirlb….when the heck will you be updating your story?!

Abby dropped her backpack behind the door, not caring that her father would just tell her to pick it up later. She glanced around, finally noticing that the lights were on. "Dad's not supposed to be home this early…" she noted out loud. "Daddy?"

"I'm in here!" The voice came from the living room. She followed it, and found not only her Father in the living room, but Leopold, Jan, and Heinrich Von Marzipan. Leopold and Jan had identical smiles, and Abby noticed that her father looked like he was up to something. Heinrich, on the other hand, was staring down at the carpeting.

Abby's mind reeled as she tried to make sense of the whole situation. "..Is this about the dress?" She finally asked, as it was the only rational explanation she could come up with for them being there. Well…the closest to rational, anyways. It seemed kind of silly to travel half the world for a dress, but from what she'd seen of the Von Marzipan clan, she wouldn't be that shocked by it.

"_Nein_, Abigail," Heinrich shook his head. "I..I haff come to tell you something …something important."

The other males in the room all smirked. Abby felt her eyebrows go up about an inch. "First you should probably explain why your grandfather's here. Seein' as he did kick me out and all."

"It vas _ein_ test, Abigail…" Leopold said with a shrug. "_Das macht nichts_…..it doesn't matter," he elaborated, remembering that Abby didn't speak German.

"Oh, no way….No way you got the nerve to say _that_! Numbuh 5 got her butt kicked out for being an American…and for a stupid test? Are you crazy?!"

"Oww.." Leopold said softly, clutching at his chest. "_Es tut mir leid_, you haff every right to be mad, _liebchen_…_aber_, do try not to yell too much. It makes _mein_ heart act up…"

Abby sighed, immediately over taken by guilt. "Oh, all right, all right…" she slapped a hand to her forehead. "Numbuh 5 didn't mean to upset you, now. I just want to know why you're all here? I mean…look, Heinrich, you had a chance to get out of marrying me. Why didn't you just take it instead of coming back here? And…how did you pass the test? What was the test about?"

"For _ein_ long time, I haff vanted Hinz to take over ze family. He vould be ze best sing for it. He's ambitious, brave, _und_ very good at candy hunting. But zhere vas one problem…He vas often only out for himself," Leopold explained. Heinrich frowned, but made no point to disagree with his grandfather. "I vas vorried zhat zhat vould mean he vould never be able to take over ze family, because he could not care for its vellbeing above his own. But love makes even ze most hardened man…or voman…a lot more caring. _Mein_ Gretchen vas so much like Heinrich….vhen she fell in love vith me, she changed. She had ze biggest heart in all of _Deutschland_."

Abby closed her eyes, reflecting on this information. "You people really are crazy," she decided. "No way Heiny loves me. Right, Heinrich?" She turned to him.

He finally looked up from the floor, his blue eyes looking into her brown ones. "_Nein_, Abigail. Zhey…Vell…" He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, allowing the words to spill out awkwardly. "_Ich liebe dich_! Okay? Are you happy now?"

"Heinrich…" She said softly, "How many times Numbuh 5 got to tell you people she don't speak German?"

Heinrich's face went from light pink to a deep crimson red, the blush covering his cheeks completely. "It means…It means I love you, Abigail."

There was a very long pause. But Dr. Lincoln had never been good at knowing when not to speak, and so broke in with "Aww! Well isn't that sweet, with the love, and the cuteness, and the marriage and the….awww, you know what I'm talking about!"

"Dad…Umm..Mr. Marzipan, Jan..could you guys leave the room for a moment?" The men all agreed to, going over into the Kitchen. Abby couldn't see them, but she knew that they were all listening in through the wall.

Heinrich had not stopped blushing. Abby plopped down on the couch beside him and draped an arm over his shoulder. "So, what you've been trying to tell me since Germany…was.."

"_Ja_."

"Is that why you wanted to get married so much?"

"Part of ze reason.._ja_. Listen, _leibchen_…know zhat you know..vell..I guess if you don't vant to go through vith ze marriage, zhen.."

"Of course I don't!"

"_Ja_, zhat is vhat I sought…"

"For a few more years, anyways." Heinrich stared at her. She smiled, and continued on. "Heiny, we've barely been able to hang out together. We've never even been on a date. Maybe things will work out that way, maybe not. We don't know yet."

"Zhen…" Heinrich's ability to only focus in on one part of the conversation reared its head, "Does zhat mean you vill…uh..go out vith me?"

Abby rested her head on his shoulder. "Yeah, Heinrich. I'll go out with you. But no proposals. At least not until after the twentieth date. Okay?"

"_Ja_…._aber_, vhat about grandfasser? He still vants us to get married so badly, _und.._vhat if he does…." His voice became soft, "die before ze vedding?"

Abby rolled her eyes at Heinrich's assumption that there would even be a wedding, but decided not to comment on it. "I don't know…is there any way we could sort of..compromise?"

"_Ja_, zhere is!" Dr. Lincoln rolled Leopold back into the room. Leopold was beaming. "You haff ze vedding now…just ze ceremony, I mean. You don't haff to actually be married. You vill be certified later. Vhen you are…_Zwanzig_, maybe?"

"Zwanzig?" Abby asked.

"Twenty," Heinrich explained. "All right, zhen…Abigail, is zhat all right with you?" Abby feigned a sigh of exhaustion.

"Well…If Numbuh 5 has to," She said jokingly. "C'mon, Heiny…"

"Vhere are ve going?"

"On a date. Oh, and you're paying." Abby added, grabbing his hand and pulling him out the door after her. Mr. Lincoln and Leopold waved goodbye as the children exited.

"So…what disease are you dying from?" Mr. Lincoln asked. "I'm a doctor, so I might be able to help you with the x-rays, and the specialists, and the …aww, you know what I'm talkin' about!"

"Disease? Vhat disease?" Leopold said, his grin malicious. Mr. Lincoln immediately caught the drift.

"Ah…so…Why just use it to get them to do the ceremony? Why not the whole wedding?"

"Oh, I can vait…" Leopold said with a shrug. "I just vant to ensure I see it. I am not sick now, _aber_, I am old. Besides…your daughter _und_ _mein_ Hinz just make ze sveetest couple..don't zhey?"

**Author's note: (mandatory! READ!) **If at least two people ask, I'll write an epilogue for this. I have some really fluffy junk in mind. Almost tooth rotting.


	22. Traditions

**Author's Note: **Geez, digigirl, Teh-Drabbler, artgirlb that was pretty quick. All right, all right. Here's your epilogue, as promised. Oh..and not as fluffy as I thought it would be. But I still hope you'll like it.

The bride and groom kneeled before the priest as he lead them in their vows. They repeated, both rather familiar with the process. After all…this was technically their second marriage. This was the real marriage…the first had been a passing fancy of Heinrich's grandfather, but not all the traditions were acted upon. It had merely been vows.

This time they'd done the whole thing. Abby smiled as Heinrich gave her hand a squeeze. For once he did not have on his gloves, but he had refused to forego the monocle. As a sort of retaliation, Abby had refused to go without her hat. It somehow complimented the dress, though. It was the same one that Heinrich's grandmother had worn to her own wedding, the same one Abby had accidentally taken back to the states just four years ago.

The vows were finished, and the couple stood up and kissed. _He always tastes like peppermints…_Abby noted before pulling away.

"May I now present you vith…Mr. _und_ Mrs. Heinrich Von Marzipan!" The priest announced. The assembly of friends and family all applauded. The whole group headed outside, Heinrich and Abby throwing coins to the kids, as was tradition.

"Well, lad and lassie…glad te' see ye got yer acts together!" Stickybeard said as he caught up to them. Heinrich, not knowing who else to give it to, had actually made the old pirate his best man. "I knew you two would be tyin' the knot some day…"

"Yeah, yeah, Stickybuns," Abby said, rolling her eyes. "you told us. Several times."

The wedding reception was set up just across the street from the chapel, as Heinrich and Abby didn't want everyone to have to get in their cars, and any farther than that and the whole Von Marzipan family probably would have had a heart attack from 'strenuous exercise'.

"Ah, _mein_ Hinz.._und _Abigail..you make zis old man proud," Leopold's eyes were shining as he wheeled himself up to them. "You should go cut ze cake together right now….before your cousins start ripping into it. Zhey haff been eyeing it since ve got here…_und_ I vouldn't doubt zat ze candy pirates are zinking about doing ze same thing."

"Good point," Abby said, grabbing Heinrich's hand and leading him over to were the cake stood. It was a massive thing - eight tiers total - but it looked delicious. Tiny hearts and roses had been made out of frosting, circling the base tier. The newlyweds picked up the knife together and cut into the cake. He fed her a piece, and she, of course, feeling somewhat mischievous, dabbed the frosting from the piece she cut for him onto his nose.

He wiped it off and rolled his eyes, but did not retaliate. It was so unlike him not to throw a fit, but…well, that was how he was showing his affection for his bride. Sure, they still got into arguments (quite a few, honestly), but they were always quickly resolved. He didn't even bring Guatemala up anymore.

They had spent the past four years dating, growing more and more in love with each other.

Heinrich leaned over and began cutting the cake up for the guests, so concentrated on his work he didn't even notice that Abby was no longer at his side. He jumped as someone poked him on the shoulder. "Vhat?!" He asked irritably, putting down the knife and turning around.

"Dude, I think Stickybeard just kidnapped Abby…" Hoagie Gilligan explained. "I just saw them take off. Thing was, she didn't look upset…uh..is something wrong?"

Heinrich sighed, resisting the urge to yell at the other man. He had promised Abby he'd be on his best behavior, especially towards her friends. "_Nein_…it is _ein_ tradition. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to go find her before ze bill becomes astronomical.."

"What bill?"

"Champagne bill…" Heinrich muttered, thinking. "Vhere vould he take her…hmm…"

"I'll help you find her!" Hoagie said enthusiastically. "I used to be quite the private eye, back in my younger days," He polished his nails on the sleeve of his coat.

"..Zhere is no vay you're going to just stay here, is zhere?"

"Nope. I'm bored. I'm pretty much going to follow you no matter what."

"Oh…fine! Zhen c'mon.." The two young men hopped into Hoagie's rental car. Hoagie started the engine but did not actually put the car in gear. "Vell…vhere did zhey go?"

"I dunno."

Heinrich groaned. "Vell, traditionally, zhey go to _ein _pub. Zhey're supposed to drink champagne, zhere…_aber_, Abby only drinks occasionally, _und_ Stickybeard only drinks extremely sveet sings….hmm…" The car was now going, though very slowly, allowing Heinrich some time to think. "Zhere is _ein_ pub not far from here zat serves chocolate drinks…ve vill probably find zhem zere. Just turn right on ze next street."

Hoagie did as asked, taking a right. "So…is that it?" It was a dumb question. The sign read "Chokopub", but Hoagie really just liked irritating Heinrich. He found it quite a fun past time.

"_Ja_…zat is it," Heinrich pushed his door open, causing Hoagie to slam down on his brakes. Heinrich ignored Hoagie yelling at him, instead running inside of the pub.

Abby and Stickybeard were at a booth in the corner. Stickybeard had about six empty shot glasses in front of him, and was working on another one. Abby, however, was sipping on a glass of water. Heinrich tried not to call any attention to himself, ducking into the booth behind Abby and Stickybeard's, and throwing his arms around his wife. "Guess who.." He joked.

Abby turned to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "About time you got here…" She smirked, nodding her head at Stickybeard. "Ol' Stickybun's probably gonna pass out any second now."

"I am hic….not! I can hold it!" Stickybeard raised his glass and downed it.

"Vell, zhat's ze last shot I'm paying for, so enjoy it. I only haff to pay for ze drinks you had up until I found Abby," Heinrich explained. The pirate looked downtrodden for a minute, but got over it once his next shot was downed. Heinrich chuckled at the pirate, and moved to sit beside his wife, draping an arm over her shoulder. She leaned her head against his, grabbing one of his free hands and grasping it in her own.

"So…better than our last wedding?"

"Vell.." Heinrich thought for a moment. "Zhere vere a lot less plates broken at our first polterabend. Your little Australian friend broke most of ze plates in _mein_ grandfasser's china cabinet. _Aber_…ve didn't get to move into together after ze last one, so.." He whispered the last part in her ear suggestively, making goosebumps form up and down her neck. He glanced down at the table, again noting the water. "Abigail…vhy didn't you get ze champagne?" He picked the water up and took a sip, mainly testing to see if he'd just mistaken some clear drink for it…

"Well, Heiny…remember that night about five weeks ago?"

He nodded, knowing exactly what she was talking about. _But vhy bring zat up?_ he thought, swallowing a mouthful of water and taking another sip as a sudden nervousness over took him.

"Heiny?"

"Yeah?"

"….I'm pregnant."

The groom spit out his water, staring at his bride. "…You are joking, right?"

"Umm…_nein_."

"Abigail?" He asked slowly.

"Yeah?"

"I feel kind of sick.." with that, Heinrich passed out on the table. Abby smirked, and took another gulp of water.

"Eh, he'll feel better when he wakes up.." she patted her stomach, thinking of the life that was forming there. "At least…I hope he will."

**Official End…that leaves opening for a sequel if I ever get really bored. Or have free time.**


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